Anxious and frustrating Very Very hard to trust

finding it so hard to move away and stop thinking about the affair...still don't believe the full fletch of it and how it happened under my nose unaware. totally oblivious..find it so hard to trust...just  anxious about all his trips ...just not sure what is a lie or not anymore...and also really tired of going back and forth second guessing ...just so afraid of getting hurt again...feel that there is no more room for anymore hurt
 
I cannot believe the audacity of it all.. coming to Australia...just feel totally invaded...like its not enough that they fucked in china ...excuse the french...now they gonna do it here....like what they did was so righteous...feel like I didn't existed at all...and that no one cared about me or respected me...cannot understand all the lies that went on...what is he made of?? to lie like that...its like second nature and he doesn't even know how to tell the truth anymore....how did someone get like that...how god??  I have lost so much faith in him but I know I have to keep the faith to have all this work