anxiety will be up

I am going to have to go over my mom and dads house to bring food from Thanksgiving.  My husband is at work,  and leaving the house will be hard. Got to take my anxiety med before I go. I dont want to leave. I hate, really can't stand going there. Its the mess, no where to sit, garbage needs to be taken out.  Dishes pilled up in sink. The floor is dirty. Dam puppy there. Its not the dogs fault. My parents are messed up. I cant stand how they expect me to do things when I get there. I just want to go home when i am there. It used to be home, but not anymore.  I cant accept the dirt and boxs everywhere. I am always nervous when I am there. God, why do I feel so much pressure when I get there? They make everything so hard. My house is organized,  theirs isn't.  I am clean,  they aren't.  You cant even sit on a chair! Its got stuff pilled on it. Why? Why? Its torture for me to be over there. All my bad memories come back in my head when I am there. And not saying I haven't had some bad times at home, its just that I feel so uncomfortable even being around  them. I pray my kids dont feel that way with me. Oh my god, please no... I am having a attack right now. I am having a hard time even typing this. I got to take my medicine.  I wish my husband was home today. I dont want to leave tthe house.