Anxiety Issues

I posted this in the Anxiety group, but wanted to add it here as well. I've been stressed over various things for years, but only recently started having anxiety over a brand new issue... shortness of breath.

I'm a big gal (about 500 pounds) so for quite a few years now I get out of breath even just walking 25 feet and I can't stand for more than 30 seconds (and that's pushing it) before I need to sit or I feel like I'm going to fall. But my shortness of breath will usually go back to normal within 5 - 15 minutes, depending on what I did before I sat down. In mid-August I started having some days where my shortness of breath was even worse, meaning I was having to breathe in even deeper to get it back to normal and it took longer than 15 minutes. And laying down made it worse. Which means I ended up sleeping on the couch which I shouldn't be doing because it causes my feet and ankles to swell from sitting up too much (and not elevating them). After 3 days of that crap I ended up calling 911 and going to the ER, got admitted and their best guess was they thought I had a blood clot. Cut to the end of September and I had been having those same breathing issues again. So I called 911 again and got admitted and same thing, their best guess was they thought I had a blood clot. They had put me on a Xarelto when I was there in August and switched me to Warfarin in September. I specifically asked them "what do I do if I have these breathing issues again?" and was told to come back to the ER. Cut to this Monday. I woke up at 6:30am to go to the bathroom, got back to my room (which is directly across the hall) and I was way out of breath. It finally got better and I laid down and it just started back up again, so I sat back up. I called the advice nurse because at this point I'm not sure how much of my breathing issues are actual issues or I'm just having anxiety (or maybe a panic attack) which causes the breathing issues to get worse. She said I should go to the ER. But I didn't because by the time she called back I was breathing ok, even though I didn't think I could lay back down. I did end up going out to the couch to sleep for a while though. Then on and off all day I would get short of breath doing little things like adjusting the pillow behind my back or reaching for a pen, but my breathing would return to normal kind of quick, but still, I shouldn't get out of breath because I needed a pen. Night time comes and I wasn't tired at all, I was still getting short of breath on and off and I was just sick of it. I called the advice nurse again, and again they said go to the ER. So I did. I called 911. When they arrived, I told the paramedics everything had been going on with me that day and they were like "but you're breathing fine now", when I really kind of was not. I mean I wasn't totally out of breath, but I had to take deeper breaths because I was talking and because my nose was so stuffed up. Oh did I mention I've had a slightly stuffy nose for a few weeks now and lately it gets a lot worse at night. Like it completely blocks up. Anyway, my blood pressure, pulse, and temp were fine, which they always had been the last 2 times I was in the hospital and I told them that, but they still thought I was ok. So I got on the gurney, huffing and puffing the whole way, and they were still asking if I'd rather stay home and see if it got worse later on. Like um... no. See me breathing heavily just from walking 10 feet and sitting? I didn't want it to get worse. Anyway, we finally got to the hospital around 5am Tuesday morning and they were swamped and didn't plan to have any beds for a while (in the ER) so they stuck me in the waiting room and because I can't walk very well I had to sit in a wheelchair that was too small for me. For about 5 hours I was in extreme pain because of being in a too small chair. Every time I moved to try and get into a better position, I just hurt worse and made me have trouble breathing, but I couldn't just stay in the same position either because that was hurting my knees and my back. I had gotten triaged pretty much right away, but then sat around until about 7:45am when I got taken for a chest x-ray. Then back to the waiting room until close to 9am when they took me to a bigger triage area to take some blood and do an EKG. Then I sat around waiting some more. There were people there in way worse pain than me, but my feet and ankles were really starting to swell up more than they already were from sitting in that wheelchair (I couldn't reach the footrests so my legs were just dangling, which made them swell), so I had to ask a few times if they could find a bigger wheelchair and they said they only had ONE (for the entire hospital? WHAT?), but then they realized they could just put me on a bed in the hallway. YES PLEASE! That is what I had been waiting for and asking about. So I get on the bed (where my feet instantly felt better since they were finally elevated), get some more blood drawn, get taken for an ultrasound on my upper legs, then back to my hallway spot where I fell asleep like right away. I got woken up about an hour later, close to 1pm, telling me there was nothing wrong and I was being discharged. It was such a waste of time. I never saw a doctor. And the discharge paperwork they gave me says to get help right away if I have trouble breathing when I'm resting. Um... yeah that's partly why I came in because I couldn't reach for a damn pen without getting out of breath! I'm mad at myself for not asking why I never saw a doctor, or what I should do when this happens again, or have been more demanding about having trouble breathing while resting now since I'm already there, but because they woke me up and were like "you're discharged, goodbye" and I was barely awake to comprehend it, I didn't really say anything. And what I did say, the discharge nurse had no idea because that was her first time talking to me.

So I got home from the ER and all day I had been getting that panicky feeling that I'm going to have breathing issues again when I try to sleep in my bed tonight. At this point in the game I only try to lay down once, maybe twice, and if I can't handle it then I go out to the couch. Trying over and over to lay down just makes things worse. Some nights I don't even get that far. I'll be in my room and I just know that laying down is going to not work, so I just head back out to the living room. I think I've figured out too that when I'm in my room, not matter if it's 2pm and the middle of the day or what, my brain automatically starts giving me a mini anxiety attack about what's to come when it's time to go to sleep. I was planning to sleep in my bed tonight (as long as my nose wasn't too stuffed up and all that), but I was just in my room about 2 hours ago and my brain was just like "NO! NO! NO!" so I guess I'm sleeping on the couch again. Sometimes I can wake up from sleeping on the couch around 8 or 9am and my nose will be less stuffed up and I can go sleep in my bed for a few hours. Hopefully that can happen tomorrow morning. Just by typing this up I'm getting that panicky feeling in my chest. And it's just so damn frustrating and because of the ER visit from Monday, I'm going to second guess myself whenever my breathing gets out of control again on whether I should go to the ER or not. I think I need to start seeing a therapist. Maybe they can help get my anxiety to stop so that I can sleep in my bed again.