Anxiety in Dating/Relationships
Kelly and I are kinda fizzling out again, and she's on some kind of prescription med which is making her extremely sleepy (as if she wasn't comatose enough before) so I'm venturing into the dating world again...only to be racked with the usual anxiety that comes with the whole experience... Never been much of a "casual sex" kinda guy...some guys can just exist in that animal place without caring for the girl whatsoever...not me...and, after reading so many entiries on forum boards here and on internet dating sites, it seems people are instanly looking to jump into bed if they like each other...how do I make myself interesting enough to her that some sexual sparks fly plus have enough character to restrain myself-? Gets downright confusing and racks me with such horrible anxiety... The only conclusion that comes to mind is to focus ON HER (in a loving way) and muster up warmth in my heart for her. Let her completely run the show. It then becomes my job to create a relaxed environment...give it a couple dates, then move in for a kiss...this is what I did with Kelly and it worked amazingly well...planted just enough of a seed in her head that this felt really nice and was something worth pursuing, yet completely removed any fear on her part. Whew...it's tough sometimes to remain calm tho...a sexual/romantic relationship is the closest two people can get, and it brings out really dark feelings, which mostly come from a place of doubt and fear...relax, relax...
Replies
The more I read you writings the more I am convinced that you are a man of substance and value and would be highly appreciated in a relationship with the right woman. Let go of the fear and just be who you are because who you are is just pretty damn good!If you have any doubton how interesting you are...read your journals. You definitely have something worthwhile to say and interesting enough to have someone listen too. Get into what you want to do in your life and let the other confusions go. Your an entertainment , movie camerman who is talented and interested in achieving your dreams. Get to work on that and the rest will follow. I cannot tell you how many \"good looking\" camerawomen I have worked with. You are in your prime and the time is now for you. God, Koolman all you have to do is take a wowman to Starbucks and tell her what your interests are. If you see the \"\"gleam\" then you could have a woman who is \"interested.\" Wouldn\'t it be great to meet a woman who is interested or shares your interest?
It is not easy to find the \"right\" person to play in that playground with you. I am going through the same thing and now I have decided to just \"let it go\" what ever happens will be what is right for me. Be patient and be Kool Koolman and I am sure that all will fall into place...L
Thanks, hon.