Anticipation of 1 year mark
Carlos:
Honey, I miss you so much and as time goes by I am learning to love you more. I look at your photos and get very emotional and sad and find myself wondering where are you and when are you coming back. I cannot accept that you are gone because that would drive me crazy. I still have hope that you are coming back and that this is all but a nightmare. So much has happen and it hurts that you are not here to be part of it.
Our kids, Rosela and Said had a fall out and did not talk to each other for about 3 months. I know if you were here you would have taken care of it immediately. I could not handle the pain of not having you here and then my kids not talking to each other waiting to explode. One day I was dropping Rosela to work and I felt like my whole world was ending so I called my sister to please come and meet me. I parked my vehicle at Lowes and waited for her because I knew I could not drive. I waited for her but it seem like it was taking forever so I decided to go for a walk. I forgot to take my cell phone and I just started walking which turned out to be like 3 or 4 miles. I just kept talking to you and crying. I am sorry because I made the whole family panick but I need to get away. Your brother found found me walking down the street and they took me home. The kids decided that I need to get help so I am now seeing a therapist. Said and Rosela put their differences apart and are now getting along. Said decided to get married. He got married May 8th. We had the ceremony at home and the reception at a hall. It was to be something small in the end we had about 250 people. Your presence was missed so much. George gave a beautiful speech and had a moment of silence in your honor. Carlos, I miss you so much. At the end of the reception, Said had requested that the DJ play a song in your honor. It made me cry because it remind me so much of you and the words were so approriate. It was by Juan Gabriel and it was a song he wrote to his mom when she passed away.
Life continues but somehow I am no longer happy and everyday I have to struggle to continue. I hurt my back the other day and had to be taken to urgent care. I was put on some medications and it has gotten better. Rosela is putting me on her health insurance policy and is already looking at what doctors she will have me go and has told me that she will go with me. She wants to make sure that everything is okey. I know that both she and Said want the best for me but what I want is to have you here with me. This might sound selfish but I cannot wait to be with you. I don't know how long I can keep going. Your one year anniversary is coming up and it hurts so much. I remember the last time I spoke to you, your last kiss, your words, and the look in your face. I remember it like if was just yesterday and I cannot understand what happen or how I did not see it coming. Mother's day came and the kids took me out for dinner. Rosela asked me to please at the least to pretend that I am having a good time. I remember how you would let them know that we were all going out for dinner on mother's day. You made sure that they spend the day with me. You would get up in the morning and make breakfast for me. It is so hard not having you here with me. There is so much things that I want to talk to you about and want your advice. I go to the gravesite and sit and talk to you. When I am feeling low, I close my eyes and I swear I can feel the breeze on my face and I know that it is you. I told the kids that when the are feeling low and miss you to close their eyes they will feel you and they also tell me that it works for them. Carlos, I know that you are with me all the time but I just wish I could see you again.
Honey, I love you and I want you to know that I will always love you. I wonder if you knew how much I love you and if I made you aware of it. If you can read this and can see me, please know that I love you and miss you. Let God know that it is okey to let you visit me. Please ask him to let you come in my dreams. I love you.
Linda
Honey, I miss you so much and as time goes by I am learning to love you more. I look at your photos and get very emotional and sad and find myself wondering where are you and when are you coming back. I cannot accept that you are gone because that would drive me crazy. I still have hope that you are coming back and that this is all but a nightmare. So much has happen and it hurts that you are not here to be part of it.
Our kids, Rosela and Said had a fall out and did not talk to each other for about 3 months. I know if you were here you would have taken care of it immediately. I could not handle the pain of not having you here and then my kids not talking to each other waiting to explode. One day I was dropping Rosela to work and I felt like my whole world was ending so I called my sister to please come and meet me. I parked my vehicle at Lowes and waited for her because I knew I could not drive. I waited for her but it seem like it was taking forever so I decided to go for a walk. I forgot to take my cell phone and I just started walking which turned out to be like 3 or 4 miles. I just kept talking to you and crying. I am sorry because I made the whole family panick but I need to get away. Your brother found found me walking down the street and they took me home. The kids decided that I need to get help so I am now seeing a therapist. Said and Rosela put their differences apart and are now getting along. Said decided to get married. He got married May 8th. We had the ceremony at home and the reception at a hall. It was to be something small in the end we had about 250 people. Your presence was missed so much. George gave a beautiful speech and had a moment of silence in your honor. Carlos, I miss you so much. At the end of the reception, Said had requested that the DJ play a song in your honor. It made me cry because it remind me so much of you and the words were so approriate. It was by Juan Gabriel and it was a song he wrote to his mom when she passed away.
Life continues but somehow I am no longer happy and everyday I have to struggle to continue. I hurt my back the other day and had to be taken to urgent care. I was put on some medications and it has gotten better. Rosela is putting me on her health insurance policy and is already looking at what doctors she will have me go and has told me that she will go with me. She wants to make sure that everything is okey. I know that both she and Said want the best for me but what I want is to have you here with me. This might sound selfish but I cannot wait to be with you. I don't know how long I can keep going. Your one year anniversary is coming up and it hurts so much. I remember the last time I spoke to you, your last kiss, your words, and the look in your face. I remember it like if was just yesterday and I cannot understand what happen or how I did not see it coming. Mother's day came and the kids took me out for dinner. Rosela asked me to please at the least to pretend that I am having a good time. I remember how you would let them know that we were all going out for dinner on mother's day. You made sure that they spend the day with me. You would get up in the morning and make breakfast for me. It is so hard not having you here with me. There is so much things that I want to talk to you about and want your advice. I go to the gravesite and sit and talk to you. When I am feeling low, I close my eyes and I swear I can feel the breeze on my face and I know that it is you. I told the kids that when the are feeling low and miss you to close their eyes they will feel you and they also tell me that it works for them. Carlos, I know that you are with me all the time but I just wish I could see you again.
Honey, I love you and I want you to know that I will always love you. I wonder if you knew how much I love you and if I made you aware of it. If you can read this and can see me, please know that I love you and miss you. Let God know that it is okey to let you visit me. Please ask him to let you come in my dreams. I love you.
Linda
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