another Wednesday is here
Here is is another day and really nothing has been talked about because she is so unresponsive about anything. My daughter wants to talk to her and I am ready to go back to the twice a week contact. My wife said she is willing to try one counseling session, like come on, if you are thinking about working on something you need some type of committment to acheive it. So yes, I do know that she is playing with my emotions so I am really being defensive now. She asked last night if somedays she could keep our daughter while i work. I put her off saying i need to talk to my lawyer first, but that wont happen because I dont trust her and i know she is trying to do this so she can tell the court that she is taking care of my daughter.
I am getting very observant with her lies. She thinks she is doing something good but all the while she has a knife behind her back. I asked her and the boy, if he and i wanted to go to counseling together. he said yes at first, but now its the generic answer no he doesnt but cant we just get along.
I am getting very observant with her lies. She thinks she is doing something good but all the while she has a knife behind her back. I asked her and the boy, if he and i wanted to go to counseling together. he said yes at first, but now its the generic answer no he doesnt but cant we just get along.
Replies
You\'re right, she\'s being noncomittal, but it seems her comment about trying counseling is probably more indicative that she\'s unsure about where she\'s headed, as opposed to trying to \"keep her options open\". I think the first order of business is to gain clarity about what you\'re actually committing to. For your side, commit to getting a divorce with your terms. If she doesn\'t like that commitment, then the ball is in her court to change course.
BK, I\'m sorry, but i just completely disagree. There are people that you would allow to have the option of coming back home. There are people that you would say that if they do a,b and c then we can see where it takes us. Then there are people that show you who they are and you need to sit up and take notice. There are people that are actually toxic people and that you see that they have in fact been wearing a mask for years. That now you do see the real person and they are not a person that you should want to have in your life. They are people that you see they have only one person\'s needs in mind and that is their own. This is NOT a person that you put any ball in their court.
Let us recap for a moment exactly who this woman is. This is a woman that had she gotten her way would have left Lost on the street, with no home, nothing to his name and his child gone in another state living with the mother and son in the home of a pedophile. One that has been in prison till 3 years ago for molesting her other child. One that was such a good mother to her oldest daughter that she wants nothing to do with her mother now and is willing to actually testify against her in open court to keep her from having custody of their daughter.
This is NOT a woman that has any business as a primary caregiver of the daughter. This is a woman that is TOXIC to those she claims to love. As much as Lost believes he wants his family back. I really dont believe that there is any coming back from this much damage.
She has NOT ended it with the OM. She gave the daughter a doll from him and is telling the child that he is a \"nice man\". All that has happened is she has been prevented from doing as she wants to do and she is trying now to buy time till she can find another way. She would agree to a counseling session for only one reason. To make herself look good. She has NO intention of any kind of reconciliation.
Who this woman is, is the woman you saw in court when she thought she held the winning hand. The woman that believed that she could say and do what she wanted to do without paying any kind of price for it. That is who she REALLY is. What it comes down to is she will throw anyone under the bus to obtain what she wants. No one elses needs or well being matters to her but her own. That isnt something counseling can fix. This OM isnt some guy that she has convinced herself was actually innocent. She KNOWS he isnt. This man didnt hurt someone elses child. He hurt HER child.
So BK, yes she is in fact trying to keep her options open. She is in fact trying to keep Lost BELIEVING that she is keeping her options open when in fact she absolutely KNOWS what she is planning to do. She is just trying to figure out how to go about getting it!
Nana, your point of view is equally valid, assuming those are her true motivations. If \"actions speak louder than words\" you\'re on themoney. But this divorce is going to end up badly for everyone involved, and Lostdaddy has concluded after a lot of soul searching to try to repair the marriage. I don\'t disagree with you, but there are one or two more levels to this situation.
Hopefully LostDaddy will keep us posted on how things work out. You may well be right, Nana. But I\'m hoping you\'re not.
BK, I guess in my mind I think in the terms of a parent. If my child was in danger by ANYONE and that includes their own Father or Mother, then what I want, isnt what I would be considering. It just wouldnt be a factor. The only thing I would be concerned with at all is the safety of my child.
Honestly, there is just too much at stake here to be \"guessing\". I would err on the side of caution. I left my h because of his drinking. His personal issues were such that they were not good for my children. I loved him alot. Still do. But till he was able to work that out ON HIS OWN, us living together was not even an option. He was not a man that got drunk. His tolerance was so high that he really didnt. But he was altered and he is an alcoholic. He was setting a horrible example for my children. I would NOT live with him again till he got help and sober. That took over 2 years! Had we both not loved each other very much, there is no way our marriage would have survived a separation that long.
If actions speak louder than words??? Actions always speak louder than words when they are as blatant as hers. When they are her leaving and moving in with a pedophile WITH A daughter that is of the same age as the other daughter was when she was molested by this freak.
If lost concludes to repair the marriage then that is his choice. I am only saying that when you are a parent (I have raised 4 children that are grown) you dont always get to do what your HEART tells you that you WANT. You have to do what is in the best interest of your children. If it is in their bast interest to try and work it out and that is what you want to do, then you should. IF however it is NOT in your childs best interest and your heart is wanting to, then you need to give this alot more thought. Like I said, getting it wrong is just too big a risk.
Though to be honest, I think lost that his is a moot point. I think she is not of the same mind as you are. I think she is just trying to minimize her loss. She has given you absolutely no indication otherwise. The only thing you are holding on to is that she hasnt come out and said that she wants a divorce, not since she has been told that she will lose. She isnt considering reconciliation. She is only considering how to minimize her loss.
The hardest part is letting go. I know that. We look at the situation and we try to decipher each word or gesture they say to see if there is any thing we can cling to. We will do exactly what they want us to do which is to hold on to hope without them actually having to say yes or no. But by the absence of them saying yes or no.