Another Update
Hi All--
My anti-depressants have been tweaked and I have been assured by both my counselor and psychiatrist that I will not spiral down again into helplessness to the point where I need to be hospitalized. That in itself, feels good.
I am now writing down my thoughts and taking them to my counseling sessions. I have been afraid of some of my thoughts for so long, that the only way I am going to rebuild is to write them down, face them, and discuss them. I have also been afraid to cry for I feel that is a signal of spiralling down into the black hole where I have no strength to climb out of. I have been assured that won't happen either.
I am not ready to date, and don't know if I ever will be. If I could have my husband back, that would be a different story. I miss him every day, even though it has been 2-1/2 years. I am still adjusting to living the single life, and believed that was spiralling me to the black hole of hospitalization, but again, I have been assured that is not the case.
As long as I am on my meds, which may be the rest of my life, I will remain out of the hospital. So, I have a good cry when I have to, take my pills, and also anti-anxiety meds during the day. Constant anxiety doesn't allow anyone to cope, nor process thoughts. Anxiety is a liar, and feeds false thinking into your brain.
I have a ways to go, but feel I am on the right track. My family and my cat need me and loves me. I must go on, even though the journey remains painful.
Debbie
My anti-depressants have been tweaked and I have been assured by both my counselor and psychiatrist that I will not spiral down again into helplessness to the point where I need to be hospitalized. That in itself, feels good.
I am now writing down my thoughts and taking them to my counseling sessions. I have been afraid of some of my thoughts for so long, that the only way I am going to rebuild is to write them down, face them, and discuss them. I have also been afraid to cry for I feel that is a signal of spiralling down into the black hole where I have no strength to climb out of. I have been assured that won't happen either.
I am not ready to date, and don't know if I ever will be. If I could have my husband back, that would be a different story. I miss him every day, even though it has been 2-1/2 years. I am still adjusting to living the single life, and believed that was spiralling me to the black hole of hospitalization, but again, I have been assured that is not the case.
As long as I am on my meds, which may be the rest of my life, I will remain out of the hospital. So, I have a good cry when I have to, take my pills, and also anti-anxiety meds during the day. Constant anxiety doesn't allow anyone to cope, nor process thoughts. Anxiety is a liar, and feeds false thinking into your brain.
I have a ways to go, but feel I am on the right track. My family and my cat need me and loves me. I must go on, even though the journey remains painful.
Debbie
Replies
May God bless and hold you close during this time.
Hugs - Doye
Deb,
As time passes this seems to get worse for you. I am so sorry and wish I could be there to help you over this mountian. We think we are over the worst having gone through the first year. In a week it will be two years. I miss My Rudy something terrible. The reality of it all can be overwhelming. Is this how it is going to be? Am I going to live out the rest of my time here on earth without that love, strength, comfort, companionship and support that we shared. Even though I have had other loves in my life they pale in comparison. I had finally and truly found happiness. He is a love and a memory that will be with me always but I have gone to plan B and opened up my life to whatever comes it\'s way. At least I convince myself. I hope your path leads you in strength to a place of contentment and joy.
Linda
Linda, my counselor explained that the second year can be more difficult than the first. The first year we are just trying to survive. When the second comes, it is the reality that they are truly gone and not coming back. So, please don\'t sell me short.
My sister lost her son three months after I lost my husband, and she also is having a rough time. So, I guess, as we have all said previously, everyone\'s grief journey is different.
I\'m happy that you are doing so well. I hope to reach that point in time.
Debbie, I am at 3 years now but the second year was the worse for me. I had so much to do during the first year that I really didn\'t have time to grieve. The first year was spent trying to get his dental business and estate settled. Reality sat in during the second year. I still miss my life with him and can\'t see myself with anyone else. Barbara
Barbara, that is exactly what my counselor has said. And for me, I am in God\'s hands, but truly? I still miss my husband every day and can\'t see myself with anyone else either.