Another Tuesday
Dearest,
I had a very, very busy day at work. A quiet day at home though. I learned a lesson, never read your own journal. It made me remember and cry and cry all over again. I'm tired of this, tired of feeling this way, tired of crying, tired of trying to "act normal" outside the house. It was a dark, cold, and rainy day today, I thought the weather was perfect. I don't have a lot to say today, one year ago was Phil's funeral and that means that there are so many milestones coming up, I don't think that I can take it. I am so sad and the house is so quiet and lonely.
Till we meet again, Your Ken
I had a very, very busy day at work. A quiet day at home though. I learned a lesson, never read your own journal. It made me remember and cry and cry all over again. I'm tired of this, tired of feeling this way, tired of crying, tired of trying to "act normal" outside the house. It was a dark, cold, and rainy day today, I thought the weather was perfect. I don't have a lot to say today, one year ago was Phil's funeral and that means that there are so many milestones coming up, I don't think that I can take it. I am so sad and the house is so quiet and lonely.
Till we meet again, Your Ken
Replies
Ken,
I know exactly what you mean about being tired of crying.. of being tired of feeling the way you do. You know what? In a way I think this is a good way for you to feel. It means that you are on the road to healing. Does this make sense? It seems to me that when I am at the end of my rope, when I can\'t take anymore of the mourning, of the tears, I come out the other end. Does this make sense to you? I think we have to hit the bottom in order to climb back up. We have to wallow in our grief, embrace it, live it, and only then can we begin the climb to the light -to our lives... even as we don\'t want to face it alone - it is OUR LIFE. LIFE! Please know that I hold you in my prayers and thoughts every day. Every day Ken. And I know that Abby, somewhere in the great abyss is holding you in her heart and urging you on. As my husband always said in times of trouble and in times of joy, \"On, On\"
Blessings,
Linda
Ken...just wanted to let you know that I\'m keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, have been thinking about you today and hoping that you are doing better...I know the pain hurts, mine about rips my guts out and it weighs heavy on my heart and soul. But I know it will get better, I never thought I\'d get over the death of my daughter ( over 40 years ago and she was only 15 weeks old) but in time I smiled, laughed again and got so I could go on living a life that wasn\'t so bad. Never thought bigbear dieing would hurt as much as it did/does, certainly didn\'t think it\'d hurt as much as losing my child, you always figure your child/children will outlive you, but I figured bigbear would die before me as he was 14 years older just didn\'t figure cancer into the mix cutting his life shorter. I guess what I\'m trying to say, we care, your friends from DS, and I worry about all of us...making it through the hours of hurt and pain that never seem to end but I know it will for all of us, just for some at different times.....Lord, please put Your hand of mercy on Ken, please help him in his time of grief, uplift him, support him and please take his hurt, even just a little bit of it, away...in Jesus\' name, AMEN.....hugs, Sandi
Ken, You might not think it but you are doing better. When the weather sucks it makes us feel so much worse. When you first started journaling you scared me. You were so sad and so down I didn\'t know what you were going to do and believe it or not you do sound a tad better. It is still that one day at a time thing for you. Hugs Diane