Another try
I've been looking back since Sept. when I went NC and held out and deleted his attempts at contacting me for 4 months. Until I caved. And it started up again. I see a pattern. the last 4 months have been a roller coaster - he is either POURING his love to me or PULLING way back. When he feels he's "losing me" (his words) he comes on stronger, saying all the "right" things, opening up to me, confiding in me his "feelings", taking about "us" and a future..I could go on. The thing is, everytime I go back, I get even more emotionally connected to him, which makes me pull father away from my H. I am SO tired of this cycle. This is who he is. He will not change. I cannot change him. I cannot love him enough to change him. I see people who did all this work on each other prior to getting M thinking things will be different with them - they never are. History repeats itself with certain individuals.
The last few wks at home have been awful. My H and I talked of separation, we're no longer intimate, we're both depressed.
I am broken. I know I am. Not sure when or how I became this way. There were a lot of contributing factors. The positive thing is, I am slowly starting to see them. I am in the process of finding a IC to fix the things Ive learned about myself.
My H and I do have some serious issues. But when I am left to my thoughts, I do feel they can be fixed since thats what my H keeps telling me. And up until a few days ago, his actions weren't matching his words, but Ive seen a change. a positive one. This is where I belong.
I'm not sure what I'll do when he contacts me. Ive tried EVERYTHING - NC, ignoring, deleting, deleting without reading his txts, telling him I'm working on my M, you should work on your M, I feel awful cant do this anymore, we need time to figure our personal lives out, we owe it to our spouses and kids, we need space, we could never work out, the list is endless.
So if anyone has any new ideas on what I should do when he contacts me, I'm open to ideas. I do realize that's the fault lies within myself, that i feel bad when he contacts me, i trigger and really need to work on not feeling bad for him.
The last few wks at home have been awful. My H and I talked of separation, we're no longer intimate, we're both depressed.
I am broken. I know I am. Not sure when or how I became this way. There were a lot of contributing factors. The positive thing is, I am slowly starting to see them. I am in the process of finding a IC to fix the things Ive learned about myself.
My H and I do have some serious issues. But when I am left to my thoughts, I do feel they can be fixed since thats what my H keeps telling me. And up until a few days ago, his actions weren't matching his words, but Ive seen a change. a positive one. This is where I belong.
I'm not sure what I'll do when he contacts me. Ive tried EVERYTHING - NC, ignoring, deleting, deleting without reading his txts, telling him I'm working on my M, you should work on your M, I feel awful cant do this anymore, we need time to figure our personal lives out, we owe it to our spouses and kids, we need space, we could never work out, the list is endless.
So if anyone has any new ideas on what I should do when he contacts me, I'm open to ideas. I do realize that's the fault lies within myself, that i feel bad when he contacts me, i trigger and really need to work on not feeling bad for him.
Replies
write down all of your phone numbers, and lose the phone....tell your husband that you want to change your number too, because you have been getting wrong number calls and text messages....there are ways, but you know I totally think that building on a huge LIE is wrong, your marriage will not survive that way....and yes that means you may lose the marriage anyway, but you will have to face the fiddle if you want the sweet music...I don\'t know, you see my suffering, my agony...and for your husband to be your warm blanket, it has to be clean(winter clothes are warmer if you wash them often, sweat does not let the cloth breathe)he knows something is dirty, and you know what that is...your decision, but I fear what you seek is lost in the secrets and lies