Another Stinger
I realized recently that it was about that time again. The soccer season will be starting again, it will be almost a year exactly since my first game. I can't believe how fast it went, I really can't. Truly seems like it was only months ago. My bf had bought season tickets, and though I didn't go to every game, I went to enough. I was nervous of course because of my anxiety, and I hadn't really done anything since before my anxiety began, where there would be large, noisy crowds. I remember walking in that day, nearing the stadium and the crowds banging, sounded like a train. I almost panicked but after getting in there and stuff, I relaxed. I had a great time and it felt so wonderful to do something like that again. The stadium was new, and just like the perfect stadium- clean, great setup, and not huge. I also just really liked the soccer fan crowd, they're a fun group. I actually always thought soccer was cool, (especially Beckham, lol), but I never really thought I'd be going to a game one day. /But I got really into it and even enjoyed watching the games on tv.
So now another day of torture coming up with the opening game which is this weekend. It sucks enough that I most likely won't be going to the game, and who knows if I will this whole season, but just the reminder of going there with him, knowing he will most likely be there, knowing that a new interest I found is crushed. First Valentine's Day 2 weeks after the breakup, then his b-day a couple weeks later (which I was tempted to text or call but didnt), now the soccer season. Not to mention weekends in general are tough too. How am I supposed to move when there was no closure? Why didn't I get to talk? Why did I get no better than a 20 min breakup in a car on his work break? It's not like I was some person he was just dating. God, even my high school bfs were more mature and caring when they broke up with me. He said we could talk again but when I called him that night, he said "Please, not yet," and "don't make this harder" and "I dont know when we can set something up." To go from feeling like you were more adored, loved, cared about, lucky, then you imagined you could be, straight to nothing after a fight, is pretty unreal. To have someone asking you when he can "ask your dad for your hand in marriage" and even the week before telling me about a place he noticed while he was out working where we could have our wedding, and "I better start looking for a dress," then several days later a fight and a week after the fight, that's it? What?!?! Not one call to even see how I was doing. Everyone in my family was shocked, not only by the breakup but even more so by his actions afterward- his complete "I could care less" attitude. After all we had been through, this is what I get? Maybe he should have just stayed in the military, though I don't know if there would be enough room for both him AND his ego.
So now another day of torture coming up with the opening game which is this weekend. It sucks enough that I most likely won't be going to the game, and who knows if I will this whole season, but just the reminder of going there with him, knowing he will most likely be there, knowing that a new interest I found is crushed. First Valentine's Day 2 weeks after the breakup, then his b-day a couple weeks later (which I was tempted to text or call but didnt), now the soccer season. Not to mention weekends in general are tough too. How am I supposed to move when there was no closure? Why didn't I get to talk? Why did I get no better than a 20 min breakup in a car on his work break? It's not like I was some person he was just dating. God, even my high school bfs were more mature and caring when they broke up with me. He said we could talk again but when I called him that night, he said "Please, not yet," and "don't make this harder" and "I dont know when we can set something up." To go from feeling like you were more adored, loved, cared about, lucky, then you imagined you could be, straight to nothing after a fight, is pretty unreal. To have someone asking you when he can "ask your dad for your hand in marriage" and even the week before telling me about a place he noticed while he was out working where we could have our wedding, and "I better start looking for a dress," then several days later a fight and a week after the fight, that's it? What?!?! Not one call to even see how I was doing. Everyone in my family was shocked, not only by the breakup but even more so by his actions afterward- his complete "I could care less" attitude. After all we had been through, this is what I get? Maybe he should have just stayed in the military, though I don't know if there would be enough room for both him AND his ego.
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