Another Step Toward Healing Today.......

Something happened today that caught me TOTALLY by suprise. You know when LIFE'S little moments just sort of sneak up on you and catch you off guard. I have had a smile on my face all day just thinking about it. It left me with a feeling inside I couldn't put my finger on it. What was this WARM GOOEY FEELING? Oh yah I remember HAPPINESS!!!!!! Just funny, silly, smiley, fun loving HAPPINESS. No stress, No tears, No sadness today thinking about " What life Was " I found myself actually thinking about " WHAT LIFE COULD BE " That my future may NOT be filled with nothing but LONLINESS and REGRET. That maybe just because HE made me feel like I wasn't good enough for him doesn't mean i'm not good enough for SOMEONE ELSE. What's that saying " One's man trash is another man's TREASURE " Not that I would ever call myself " TRASH " but actually for the last 7 months I have been feeling " THROWN AWAY " so it kind of fits I think.
Today we had a fieldtrip to one of our local grocery stores. We got to tour the bakery and the deli see how the butcher makes hamburger's ect... About half way through some of my students noticed a fireman. I must admit some of us teacher's noticed him too. He looked liked the actor Dwayne Johnson aka " The Rock " pretty sexy. Anyway he was really nice and walked over to us and said " Hi kids are you having a fun day?" My students said yes and started asking him questions and stuff. The next thing I know to my absolute horror one of the girls said to him " This is our teacher MS. T isn't she so pretty?" OMG I WANTED TO DIE RIGHT THERE then he says " Yes she is real PRETTY" I just said " Oh thank you that's real nice to say" " Have a nice day" come on kids we have to go now say goodbye. We finished our tour and when we went to put the kids in the bus to return to school he pulled around in his truck.  The next thing I know he said " Why don't you guys stop by the firehouse sometime and we can show the kids around it's just up the street on the corner" My coworker said " Maybe we will plan a fieldtrip there sometime soon" Then he said " Ok MS T maybe I will see you there"....
OH MY GOSH RIGHT. So my coworker said to me " T you do know he was flirting with you right?" No way he was just being nice for the kids. " Have you been out of it so long you don't even know when someone is flirting with you?" He so wants to see you again. Yah right I said he was young maybe a decade and half between us. Besides i'm still legally married and trying to recover from the breakup of my marriage of 23 years. The last thing I need right now is to be going after some young hot fireman half my age. Then my friend said " Maybe it's exactly what you need right now" I have to admit I was so flattered and SHOCKED that any man would see me as BEAUTIFUL again none the less a HOT FIREMAN... Did I mention he looked liked THE ROCK!!!!
What I took away from my little flirty day was that I have to start BELIEVING IN MYSELF AGAIN. That just because stbx didn't think I was enough that doesn't mean another man won't think i'm more than enough. It allowed me to open up the simple " possibilities " and give myself the freedom to know it's going to be ok. Maybe even open myself up again one day to a brighter future with someone else. Until now I thought I will never find anyone again I will never TRUST another man EVER AGAIN. Then someone told me "T do you still want the same things you wanted with him?" A nice home, family, comfort,security and most of all someone to LOVE that LOVES you in return?" Yes I said. Then your dream hasn't changed for your future just the PLAYERS have. You can still have all those things you have always wanted and needed in your life to make you happy it will simply be with someone else.....................................................................
 

Replies

tryn2bhappy
tryn2bhappy

i smiled too at your journal.I especially liked the last paragraph..something we need to remind ourselves of.. Just the players changed.. something to think about... hard to face somedays but the words ring true