Another quiet Sunday

Dearest,
            Maybe I don’t like these quiet Sundays. Maybe they’re not good for me. Maybe I should keep my butt so busy that I don’t have time to think. Thinking may not be so good for me. I would’ve spent the day mowing but, the lawn mower is broken and back in the shop again.
            I am trying to figure out why I can’t get past this. This grieving stuff. Obviously I don’t want to, but why? Somehow it feels important, I know it’s not important to you so why is it important to me? Does it make me feel important somehow? Am I being a victim here? Do I think that I deserve this? Is it guilt? Do I think that, in some way, I owe it to you? Does it fulfill some inner vision of myself that I have? Am I afraid? Oh yeah, definitely, but of what? It’s not like me to hide, to avoid the risks just because they’re there. Why am I doing it now? Grief feels bigger than me, bigger than life. I think maybe I should get my shit together and try to make some sense out of what little time I have left. Maybe it’s time to gather stones together. Most definitely I have to stop sitting around listening to The Byrds on Sundays.
 
As Always, Your Ken

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Grief comes in waves and it takes time to heal. It is normal. Sometimes a change of scenery helps because it gives you somethig to look forward to. When Patrick and I went to alaska it was a challenge I set up for myself to build up my confidence to do something on my own as well provide a family vacation that my 3 1/2 year old may or may not remember. Since them I have been fortuante to find love again, but I was not expecting it. My late hubby and I had drifted apart emotionally over the years and I had time to get used to the idea that he was not going to make it. It was not a shock and, I never wished this on him and I wished he would have never gotten cancer, but I had time to accept what was going to happen and prepare myself emotionally. You may not have had that opportunity, so it will probably take you longer to heal and eventhough, we will never forget our loved ones, times does help us heal. Don\'t be so hard on yourself. Rome was not built in a day and grief does not go away over night. It all takes time. I hope this helps. Sending you hugs and healing prayers :) Renee\'
Community LeaderShrn
Shrn

Oh Ken, I\'m so sorry for your pain. So many questions and so few answers. Grief and loss are emotions we can\'t ignore. We can\'t stuff them down inside and pretend we are fine. Quiet Sundays are probably just what you do need. A time to reflect on the good times you had with your wife. The way she smiled. What made her happy.

The only thing you owe your wife is to work your way through this horrible path you have found yourself on and create a Ken who out of love and respect lives on. It makes no difference how as long as it\'s the right way for you. Hugs and smiles sent your way. Sharon

Also a time to think about who you are now. Not what you do for a living or as a husband. Who are you? What do you enjoy? Like someone told me here on DS. there can\'t be a we before there is an I. You probably aren\'t the same man who married her. You have learned and grown.

Don\'t think of grief as a self inflicted punishment. You didn\'t cause any of this. You don\'t control it. But in looking back, taking inventory, and then looking forward you can find a better Ken than you ever expected to be.
ciegee
ciegee

Maybe everything your thinking and doing is something each one of has to
figure out too. I find myself doing alot of the things your talking about.
I get out all the time stay busy. Have even traveled some but grief is always here.
Will keep you in prayers. Hope for better days for all of us.
hugs,
Cie
deauxgirl
deauxgirl

Ken, we all have to grieve in our own time. I think the stronger the love for our spouses, the longer it takes to \"get on with our lives\" Sundays must have been time spent with Abby, so it\'s harder on this day. Distractions are good, but won\'t help the grief, it will just ambush you later. I wish you happy memories and sunshine.
Paula
deleted_user
deleted_user

Ken,
As I near the one year mark I have the same thoughts. What is this grief thing that I struggle with? It\'s not like me. In my life I have always met problems / situations head on and moved through, making sensible choices, changing my ways, whatever it took.... now? Hmpf. I am stuck in a cycle of tears and memories. Recently I made the decision to DO more. Even if it\'s just a bike ride or a movie or accepting an invitation to meet friends for lunch. It seems to help. I know both Abby and Jim would want us to be happy in some way. I\'m going to find that way. I hope you do too.

Linda
swindy
swindy

Ken, I just reread your profile and saw that you and your Abby didn\'t have a lot of time together to make a lot of memories. But you must have made some wonderful ones that if you can recall and focus on them maybe that would help. Diane
lovelos
lovelos

Ken I know how you are feeling, everyone says it will get better with time but we will still be alone and without them so it is hard to imagine our lives changing. I agree we need to find a way to enjoy our lives again, I hope and pray that we get there some day, hugs Lu Ann
songsofthenight
songsofthenight

Hi Ken...I know what you mean about Sundays, I think that is the worst day (at least to me it is).....seems I just sit around the house but I\'ve been trying to get my butt in gear and get out, just to get out of the house. No place to go in particular, no one to see in particular either...guess that is the bad part-no one to share the ride with, hold hands with, etc....I\'m trying to go with the flow and trying to take it easy, I know things will get easier just wish they\'d get easier faster....take care...hugs, Sandi