Another pregnancy and of course not me...
Hello ladies, just thought I'd come to safe place to vent about my morning. So I have a group of friends that I see every now and then and we are all in a wedding in May. Well, since I had to go to my cousins wedding on Sat, I couldn't attend the bridesmaid dress fitting that everyone went to that morning. So I get to work this morning and one of the gals (who works with me and knows what I'm going through) calls me on my office phone and said "So did you hear the news?"....of course I said no because my weekend was jam packed...she then says that our friend (who has a 7 y.o. son) is 10 weeks pregnant (not the babys father, other guy she's been dating for a while). Now I've heard this happen a lot of you ladies but it hasn't happend to me yet where a close friend gets pregnant when I'm trying so hard to. All my friends have kids and I'm the only one who doesn't. My heart dropped and I just couldn't hide my sadness even though I tried and said oh that's great. What kind of upset me is that she kept going on about it and get this, said that they weren't even trying and she is on BC.......SMH....that's a small detail that she could have left out in my opinion being that she knows what I'm deaing with. I then cried at my desk for ten minutes and felt like the worse person in the world for not being genuinely excited for her. I can't even explain the way I feel, I'm jealous, pissed, all of these ugly feelings that I don't want to feel. But most of all I'm so sad and hopeless for my own situation. Not to mention it was baby galore at the wedding and reminded me of what me and DH don't have. This is exactly when I start shutting myself off and for good reason I think.
Other than that, I have an appt. scheduled with the RE today to figure out our next step after three failed IUI's, which might actually be IVF next year. I'm really at a loss for words and am really down today. I'm just not ready to be strong right now.
KJ
Other than that, I have an appt. scheduled with the RE today to figure out our next step after three failed IUI's, which might actually be IVF next year. I'm really at a loss for words and am really down today. I'm just not ready to be strong right now.
KJ
Replies
I know each and every feeling you\'re having right now. I\'m so sorry. I wish I could give you a real hug and tell you how it\'s still not fair. It\'s especially not fair when you\'re trying so hard. To hear stories about not trying and even on birth control want to make me scream. Birth control is pretty fucking easy and fool proof. Makes me red. I\'m so sorry for you. I know how your heart feels and it\'s one of the worst feelings in this IF game :( Sending you love.
It\'s ok to not feel strong right now. I definitely empathize with you. It\'s these types of \"oops\" stories that make me want to punch these bitches in the mouths the most. While I am sad that you had to be around baby city at the wedding this weekend, I\'m glad you missed the dress fitting. That probably would have been even worse to hear this news in person and around so many fertile friends. It\'s ok to protect your heart. I\'m sorry this is so hard. Good luck at your appointment today. I\'ll be thinking of you!
I\'m so sorry for the way you are feeling. I have to say I can totally relate, especially with friends that have knocked up twice since we\'ve been trying. IF is so hard emotionally and just sucks to see everyone else so happy when that is all we want. Good luck with your appointment today. I hope you get some answers and some hope on what you are going to do next.
It\'s never easy going through this terrible IF journey :( I\'m sorry you had to deal with that- it sucks completely in every way. I hope things will be looking up for you soon! I\'m right here with ya, trying and waiting...trying to stay hopeful and positive. It\'s so hard- keep your chin up girl :)
I just want to let you know that you\'re not alone in feeling this way. I have had several close friends of mine get pregnant while we have been TTC for a 18 months now. A close friend of mine, who just got married in August, just told me she\'s 12 weeks pregnant. Which would mean she had the \"honeymoon baby\" she was hoping for. It\'s so infuriating hearing about other people getting pregnant so easily and especially difficult for those who are not even trying. My sister has 2 kids, and she\'s waiting until after my brothers wedding in March to try for their 3rd. She\'s well aware of my situation, and I can only image how I\'ll feel if she gets pregnant before me. I hate feeling this way, but it\'s something I think about often. Just want to show my support and let you know you\'re not alone ... and this group is definitely my go-to place for support. I\'ve started my first IUI cycle (just finished the 5 days of Clomid) ... and I haven\'t told any friends or family. Only my husband and all the wonderful ladies on DS! We are here for anything you need, whether you need support, to vent or just positive vibes being sent your way! Wishing you the best during this incredibly difficult IF journey. .. and hope that you get to move on to your next step soon!
Ugh I totally get it :( It sucks to be in this situation but know that you are not a bad person for feeling jealous, sad, angry, etc. It just means you\'re human and your hurting. Try and be easy on yourself and let yourself grieve. You are an extremely strong woman even if you don\'t feel it right now! But even the strongest of girls hit a breaking point before they pick up the pieces and carry on again.
Wishing i could give you a great big hug and share a bottle of wine! Thinking of you XOXO
Thank you so much ladies for the replies and for making me feel like I\'m not the worst person on the planet. You have no idea how much each comment has helped me and I really appreciate it! I met with my RE yesterday and looks like we will be moving on to IVF at the beginning of next year.
Of course you aren\'t a bad person or as you put it \'worst person on the planet\'!!! This makes you human and very normal to feel all those emotions and think all those thoughts. I am completely in your club friend in this friend. I hate the ambush feeling I get when I hear about baby news from family or aquaintances or worst yet friends. It also adds salt in the wounds when it\'s something that they didn\'t want to happen or like you said someone getting pregnant on birth control or in my conservative christian opinion when someone gets knocked up under immoral circumstances and brings a baby into a dysfunctional broken messed up situation. THAT just breaks my heart even more. Congratulations on moving forward for an IVF! *HUG!! I hope it\'s a wonderful experience for you and that the end result is a precious bundle in your arms my friend. I already KNOW you baby is going to be GORGEOUS because you and your hubby are such a stunning red carpet looking couple:0) *HUG!
Ugh, so sorry you had to deal with that! But PLEASE do not feel guilty or like a bad person for feeling upset. Of course you have every right to feel annoyed over this, its totally natural given your circumstances. I hate so many things that IF does to us, but the anger/jealousy/bitter feelings really suck, even though they are so real. It\'s just where you are right now, try not to judge it and just allow yourself to feel it. I\'m happy to hear you\'ll be moving onto IVF next year and will be sending you loads of luck that first times a charm!!!!
That was TMI from your friend, come on who needs to know all that. Sometimes it is really rough. I\'d say half of my friends have kids, so that always made it a little better for me. But you are not a bad person, and it is completely normal to feel all those crappy feelings. I avoided my pregnant friend like the plague- and I sobbed when I found out. Actually I was also really, really mad. And when I was at her shower this summer, after yet another negative, I was surrounded by 6 pregnant ladies. It was like the universe hated me and wanted to see how much I could suffer. Best of luck with IVF next year, very excited for you to have a plan!
wow. I can\'t believe a friend of yours who knows what you are going through told you in such a way. I think it was very rude and insensitive. And your feelings are totally normal. Not how we WANT to feel, but when we are dealing with something so painful, and hear someone else\'s good news, all we can think about is the pain it causes us, and how we might not ever get to feel that way. You can still have some happiness deep down in there for your friend, but it\'s not near as strong as the pain you feel for yourself. Treat yourself well, and I hope your RE comes up with a great plan for success. Thinking of you!