Another morning,and my mind is a blank canvas

Good morning journal,the time is now 10:01am,and I have been awake since 9:10am after almost eleven hours of uninterrupted sleep.Yesterday was another day which was extremely pleasant,and I remained lucid and in control the whole time.My voices were silent and the atmosphere in our home was easy and gentle,and the last thing my wife said to me before I retired to bed was,"thank you for a wonderful day". She was right,it was a wonderful day,and it makes one realize that with a little effort,one can influence how a day turns out for those you love as well as you as an individual.It also made me think of ways that I can minimize the effects of my general demeanor when I am in pain,or when my voices are present;I am not always aware of when my voices are going to talk to me,sometimes they begin gradually,and I am able to lessen the force of their intensity,and limit the damage they can cause,both to my emotional and mental state,and to those people around me that I love.At other times,they strike suddenly,and with no warning,and it is at these times,that I have little or no defense,and I can,and have,lost the ability to keep my anger and frustration at bay.It is not a nice feeling to know that your mind can be shared with voices that you neither know or understand,but it is a fact of life for me;every logical thinking process that I have,tells me that they cannot be,are not,real,but sadly for me at this time in my life,they are all too real to me,and at times,frighteningly powerful.My physical pain a lot of the time is tolerable,but there are days when it is not,and it is then that I am left weakened and in most danger of their presence in my mind.The medication I have been prescribed to combat this has helped somewhat,so I am glad that my therapist and doctor have started the course of treatment that I am currently on,hopefully,as time goes by,my ongoing treatment can eradicate them completely.The gaps in my memory are harder to describe,how can you describe parts of your day which you simply lose when you sometimes can't remember what you have done or what you have said?. I am aware of times when I will,"wake up" in my chair,or in a room of our house,and I can't remember what I've been doing,or why I am in that particular part of the house,and yet I have been awake the whole time,that can be a bit scary.This morning though,I feel good and rested,as a result,I feel stronger physically,and when that is the case,I usually manage to have a pleasant and more organized day.My mood swings since I started this particular medication are not so sharp or sudden;before,my mood could change in what seemed like seconds,catching me unaware,and leaving me feeling impotent and helpless. They can still happen like that,just not as often,or as suddenly,so perhaps the stabilizing effects of the medication are working;it is thanks also to this journal,that I am able to put my thoughts into words,and on reading back through them,I gain some insight into the complicated human being that is me.I remember years ago,I was passing a church,and on the notice board outside there was a slogan,it said,"if you would move mountains,practice on molehills",I never forgot those words,sometimes in life,when you get a big emergency,or a major crisis,you cope surprisingly well;it is the little things,the things you didn't expect,that can trip you up,and leave you staggering and stopped in your tracks.Today,I will practice on the molehills in my life,and leave the mountains to God,He's been doing it a lot longer than I have,until next time journal,peace walk with us.