another morning

This morning i started wondering if this is going to be like last time,last year last year. Wife strated saying the same things and doing the samethings. Only last year she had gone away for a week with a friend from work and came backthia was 3 weeks into this. I got the same speech only this time she added the love you like a brother.I was a mess when she left didnt sleep or eat im sleeping and eating this time. 2 weeks after she got back we were surpost to go on vacation with freinds but she didnt go only me and the kids with some freinds of the family. When we had gotten back from this I knew my time was going to be short with the kids and that it wasnt going to be long before she was going to leave,and i was just having fun going to the beach,movies ect ect ect... On the last day at the beach she had told me that she really did love me and could "us" being together for a long time and i had changed so much. But the changes only lasted for a short while until i started going back to the way I was.I never went all the way back but almost.You see she doesn't want to leave but is perpared for me to tell her to leave and that may happen,she however doest want me to leave,. Our  goals wont happen if either one of us leaves.BUT if i find out that she has been with someone else I may have to tell her to go as I can not deal with that and Ive never done it even thought I felt that way 7 years ago.        On Friday we went met up with some friends at a local bar and on the way home she had told me that she knew what she wanted and that was out but maybe 3 to 5 years or so that we could be back together  FUNNY couse if this does happen IM NOT going to go back couse this is twice and i am still welling to work it out but if it goes south and we divorce I cant see that EVER happening you see I do love her and will always love her but im noty doing this again