Another Month Mark On The Calendar...
For those here on Daily Strength who might have followed my breakup story, might know that as of 7:30pm last night will have marked the 3 month mark since my ex-faince walked out the door for the last and final time! She left around 7:30pm on the evening of August-3rd, and, "thank God" hasn't been back since.
Kind of feels odd to put the "thank God" part into my previous statement, for even up to perhaps 2-3 weeks ago I might have been a sucker and had been foolish enough if say in allowing her back if she so desired. But with the last of the "breakup dust' settling, and as time has gone on, and the more distance I put between myself and the breakup, the more and more I'm starting to feel "okay" with it all.
Granted it can still have it's moments where it hurts, I still have my moments of frustration, I still at time give into taking walks down memory lane and by doing so it can tend to stir up some anger inside me, but all in all, I am glad for the experience, even with it's sosciopathic ending, I'm kind of glad, for the situation from start to finish has helped me learn some valued lessons in life.
I have since learned to be very careful in choosing people I might want to get romantically involved with! I have learned to not be so quick to just dive into any relationship, regardless how lonely I might be, don't rush it, don't dive into it, don't try to speed things up, I've learned to now just be slow about things, don;t rush it, learn about the person first who might become my next love partner, really take the time to get to know the person, character, personality, education, their family, where their from, what they do, where's she's from, does she work, what her interests are, maybe what some of her life's goals are ect. ect. ect. just learn the person first, before handing my heart over.
Also I've learned to not put much stock into expecting a relationship to last if I attract a woman who is very close in all ways shapes and forms as my ex-faince. We all know where she came from and what she had to deal with and be raised in. If I meet someone who is very much "as like", forget it, I now have learned to say "thank you very much, but I'm not interested"! I also have learned from this situation about being more attentive to the "red flags" thing! I was so fricking blinded by love that in my prior relationship I let so many things slide, just because I thought I was madly in love! Now that I've had time to ponder and think more clearly, if I would have gone into my prior relationship with the brain I have on my shoulders "right now", when the first series of "red flags" were flown, I would have said "thank you very much, but I'm not interested, can I please have a ride back to the airport so I can catch the next flight out of Columbus and get back to Sacramento"!
Now that I can see things more clearly now, I have to be first honest with myself, then honest with everyone else, and that is to say "I had no real business being in that relationship in the first place"! None, to many differences between the two of us, two way different family life styles, way to different life's goals, way to much of a gap between her level of education and my own, kind-a sort of a way to much of a gap in our age difference, ect. ect. ect. plus the fact that I should have stopped and looked at my own self and asked myself the hard questions and faced my own codependent facts, yeah, she and her family might have been guilty by leading me astray, but I'm equally as guilty with allowing myself to get into the relationship without first battling and championing my own person codependent issues.
But at the end of the day, I hit another mark on the calendar, 3 months now and I'm still living! Many blessing have happened in my life since she walked out for the last time, some new friends, a new home, my relations with family have been repaired and are getting better since fixing a lot of damage my ex-faince left behind, I've been able to mend friendships that were compromised by my ex-faince, I've been able to meet new people by going to my weekly support groups, I've been able to meet wonderful people here on Daily Strength since the fall of my relationship, and last, I've been blessed by being able to better myself! perhaps in the end I should more so be kissing my ex-faince's feet, than previously going about hating her, maybe in the end what her and her family did to me was a God send, maybe I should go to Walgreen's and pick out a "thank you" card and mail it to her, tell her thanks for leaving me real close to dead, thank you for breaking my heart, thank you for using me and my family, thank you for almost destroying relations with people in my support network, thank you for taking and taking and taking my money! I know most likely I won;t buy that thank you card, but perhaps just pocket all this way and be thankful for it as best I can and move on!
Bu that would be a very interesting thank you card, would you say?
Kind of feels odd to put the "thank God" part into my previous statement, for even up to perhaps 2-3 weeks ago I might have been a sucker and had been foolish enough if say in allowing her back if she so desired. But with the last of the "breakup dust' settling, and as time has gone on, and the more distance I put between myself and the breakup, the more and more I'm starting to feel "okay" with it all.
Granted it can still have it's moments where it hurts, I still have my moments of frustration, I still at time give into taking walks down memory lane and by doing so it can tend to stir up some anger inside me, but all in all, I am glad for the experience, even with it's sosciopathic ending, I'm kind of glad, for the situation from start to finish has helped me learn some valued lessons in life.
I have since learned to be very careful in choosing people I might want to get romantically involved with! I have learned to not be so quick to just dive into any relationship, regardless how lonely I might be, don't rush it, don't dive into it, don't try to speed things up, I've learned to now just be slow about things, don;t rush it, learn about the person first who might become my next love partner, really take the time to get to know the person, character, personality, education, their family, where their from, what they do, where's she's from, does she work, what her interests are, maybe what some of her life's goals are ect. ect. ect. just learn the person first, before handing my heart over.
Also I've learned to not put much stock into expecting a relationship to last if I attract a woman who is very close in all ways shapes and forms as my ex-faince. We all know where she came from and what she had to deal with and be raised in. If I meet someone who is very much "as like", forget it, I now have learned to say "thank you very much, but I'm not interested"! I also have learned from this situation about being more attentive to the "red flags" thing! I was so fricking blinded by love that in my prior relationship I let so many things slide, just because I thought I was madly in love! Now that I've had time to ponder and think more clearly, if I would have gone into my prior relationship with the brain I have on my shoulders "right now", when the first series of "red flags" were flown, I would have said "thank you very much, but I'm not interested, can I please have a ride back to the airport so I can catch the next flight out of Columbus and get back to Sacramento"!
Now that I can see things more clearly now, I have to be first honest with myself, then honest with everyone else, and that is to say "I had no real business being in that relationship in the first place"! None, to many differences between the two of us, two way different family life styles, way to different life's goals, way to much of a gap between her level of education and my own, kind-a sort of a way to much of a gap in our age difference, ect. ect. ect. plus the fact that I should have stopped and looked at my own self and asked myself the hard questions and faced my own codependent facts, yeah, she and her family might have been guilty by leading me astray, but I'm equally as guilty with allowing myself to get into the relationship without first battling and championing my own person codependent issues.
But at the end of the day, I hit another mark on the calendar, 3 months now and I'm still living! Many blessing have happened in my life since she walked out for the last time, some new friends, a new home, my relations with family have been repaired and are getting better since fixing a lot of damage my ex-faince left behind, I've been able to mend friendships that were compromised by my ex-faince, I've been able to meet new people by going to my weekly support groups, I've been able to meet wonderful people here on Daily Strength since the fall of my relationship, and last, I've been blessed by being able to better myself! perhaps in the end I should more so be kissing my ex-faince's feet, than previously going about hating her, maybe in the end what her and her family did to me was a God send, maybe I should go to Walgreen's and pick out a "thank you" card and mail it to her, tell her thanks for leaving me real close to dead, thank you for breaking my heart, thank you for using me and my family, thank you for almost destroying relations with people in my support network, thank you for taking and taking and taking my money! I know most likely I won;t buy that thank you card, but perhaps just pocket all this way and be thankful for it as best I can and move on!
Bu that would be a very interesting thank you card, would you say?
Replies