Another Loss...

Man's best friend...  definitely mine as well. I have always loved animals and kids (I do believe in part because they do love and accept us unconditionally... just as I do them. You seldom find that from any adults.)

Our pup dog, Kozmo , is not doing well at all. Stbx mentioned yesterday he was asleep in the bedroom and didn't even hear the visiting nurse arrive in the morning. (Usually he served as our  "doorbell" letting us know if someone was around) Today when I got home from work he wasn't heading to the door to greet me (Used to be he was waiting for the door to open) I saw him in the doorway between the bedroom and the livingroom, starting to come to me , but dragging his back legs, (Thought at first he was leaving another skidmark to wipe his but. ) But then he whimpered. I am not sure if it was so i would hurry and come to him, or because he felt it too hard to get to me. I was petting him and laying with him.  he did leave me touch and pet his back legs and everything and it doesn't look like anything is broken .  He just doesn't seem to trust or have the strength. He also has a lump at his belly near where the back leg is.  I do believe it is going to be cancer and I do believe we will soon have to do something so he does not have to suffer. Right now, he is laying and seems content.   I just called the vet and we are taking him tomorrow afternoon.  

I am to the point where I do pray with all my heart that if there is something bad wrong, that he would just peacefully be spared.  It's already $350 later after bloodwork, shots,... and we don't have big bucks for extreme measures and efforts. Is funny... several days ago stbx was saying to pup dog that he thought Mommy would be far more upset if something happened to him than if something happened to Daddy. (Sad thing is, he may be right?)  

Please keep Kozmo in  your prayers . He has been my very closest and dearest friend for the past 9 years (and is probably what helped make most of  these past 11 bad years of this "marriage" bearable... and easier for me to stay)  Everything does happen for a reason and is another lesson learned ... As I do come closer to leaving and starting over, He was one thing I do struggle over (having to leave him behind if unable to find somewhere who would accept pets.  Also as a companion for stbx, though I worried how he would care for him)  This decision could be made for me.    :(

I have a very bad feeling and am reminded while it is so good to love and care about someone (be they human or furry) it does hurt like hell when you have to say goodbye. .