Another Link Broken

Another link in the chain was broken this week. I had been watching my elderly Cavalier slipping and on Monday it became apparent that he was struggling. I took him to the Vet and Emma made it clear that this was the moment to act to avoid him suffering.
Dear Dougie dog was my constant companion and source of comfort over fourteen difficult years. He was especially present in the years after Darryl died. My mother adored him. Her Cavalier was a similar age and they were enthusiastic rascals together.
Dougie's passing has bought back a flood of memories and it really feels like I am closing some doors now.
For four years I have been hibernating. I need to come out of hibernation now. Work is continuing on a house I bought in a neighboring town. I have spent more time there over recent weeks and I have this notion that things are going to be different when I move there. Well, of course they will be different! What I believe is that I will move into a whole new phase.
I am planning a trip to Turkey in late August/September. My daughter and I will travel together. With Dougie gone I will not feel anxious about leaving him. He watched my every move and was my shadow. In many ways he was dependent and a bit needy. Maybe he was just closely watching me and could go because he knows I am stronger. In some ways we had become co-dependent.
Right now I do not feel particularly strong. It is emotionally draining to be the one who stands by as others pass to wherever it is they go.