Another increase in my medication,depression sucks

Good morning journal,the time is now 7:57am and I have been awake since 4;55am,but didn't get out of bed until 7:20am.Instead,I lay beside my wife and watched the sun come up before two of our dogs let me know they needed to go outside.This morning,although it is still early,the sun is already warm and high in a pale blue sky with very little cloud,which promises the possibility of another fine day ahead.Yesterday,I saw my doctor who listened,as he always does,then he told me that he was"concerned" about my current mental state,he then increased my daily dose of quetiapine/seroquel to 200mls per day,doubling my previous intake.I now take 100mls in the morning and another at night before bed,I will then be monitored to see what effects,if any,this new regime will have,he has also sent a refresher letter,whatever that is,to my mental health team,asking that I be seen as a matter of urgency.I mentioned to him that my therapist John was on paternity leave,but he said he would send it anyway.When I returned home,I took the extra quetiapine as directed,and by the time twenty minutes had passed,I was,not to put too fine a point on it,flat on my ass.I felt disorientated and I felt as if I was moving in slow motion,it was as if my limbs didn't belong to me,when I take my night time quetiapine,I go to bed,so the effects are minimized as I fall asleep quickly,but in the daytime,it leaves me feeling zoned out,it's very weird.Anyway,after about an hour or so of feeling like a confused poltergeist wandering haphazardly between worlds,I bowed to my wife's pleas and went to bed for a couple of hours,falling asleep very quickly and sleeping deeply until she woke me for dinner.The increased dosage may help in time,but I can't stagger through my days feeling like an inebriated baboon most of the time,perhaps my metabolism will adjust the more that I take it,let's hope so anyway.At the moment,my head is clear,and my mind is sharp and lucid,but then I haven't taken my morning quetiapine yet,nor have I installed my"bionic ears",and that always helps my concentration.On the whole though,yesterday was very pleasant for both my wife and myself and we enjoyed each others company immensely,my wife is never happier than when she feels useful,and she loves to look after me,so much so that I have called her mama hen ever since we first met,in fact,all things being considered,I am an extremely lucky man. One of the first things that attracted me towards my wife was her empathic nature,she was easy to talk to and she understood,she seemed to have a sixth sense of sorts that enabled her to know how I was feeling before I said anything,she has told me that she"feels me",she can't explain why and neither can I,she only knows that it is so,and I have witnessed it first hand so who am I to say it's impossible?. There is a difference between empathy and sympathy,empathy means you can understand the other persons distress,sympathy means you console the other person because they are distressed,and it is only through my wife that I understand the difference.The past few days have not been easy for me mentally,but my wife has been a wonderful source of strength and comfort for me,and I am grateful to her,I am just dreadfully sorry that I have been so difficult to be around lately,perhaps I can do better today.I am now on my second mug of coffee,and the caffeine jolt to my brain is more than welcome as I know that later,when I take my morning quetiapine,that sharpness and clarity of thought will disappear somewhat,to be replaced by the me I was yesterday,not a pleasant thought but hey,I'm trying to get better.The voices in my mind are quieter today,although I still sense their presence,perhaps the increased dose of quetiapine is making them feel a little zoned out as well,if it is,....it serves them right!. It is very hard for me to talk openly to my doctor or therapist about my voices,I know they understand,but it makes me feel like an idiot,even talking to my wife about them is difficult because I've always been a common sense type of guy,and what is happening to me doesn't make any sense at all,I only know it is happening but I can't explain why.Anyway journal,time to be away from here and get on with the business of living this day the best way I know how,until the next time then,peace,and the love and protection of God,walk with us.