Another increase in meds,and we wait
Good morning journal,the time is 8:47am,and I am back after my absence of yesterday.I had to reschedule my appointment with my doctor as I had run out of my anti depressant medication the evening before.As I expected,he increased my daily dosage of mirtazapine from 30mls to 45mls,and now we wait to see if the higher dose will have any effect on my deep depression and mood swings.He is also somewhat concerned about my blood pressure,the dizziness when standing,my unsteadiness on my feet means that I am in danger of falling.As I have no job to go back to,he has also given me a three month sickness note to send to the unemployment bureau to see if they will pay me some benefit.Things are not looking too promising as I received a letter from the disabled living allowance department telling me I was not entitled to any payment from them as I am not disabled enough.I absolutely detest having to apply to the state for anything,it embarrasses me and my sense of shame pricks my very soul.If I was able to work I would do so with the greatest of pleasure,but my field of employment,if any,is severely limited by my ability to function,both physically and mentally;find me a job at a desk somewhere and I will gladly shuffle papers with the best of them,but physical labor now is sadly beyond my capabilities.We shall appeal the decision of the disabled board of judges of course,but I shall be guided by my benefits representative,a lovely lady called Jill,who works for the local citizens advice bureau.She is certain that I am entitled to disabled living allowance,and on my last visit to her,she said if I was turned down,we would submit a fresh claim with her filling out the form as she knew the exact criteria they were looking for.Let us hope and pray that she is right.
This morning,my back is very painful again,not helped by the fact that I had to wrestle my way from under the bedclothes while surrounded by three dogs and a slumbering wife!,but at least we were warm in last night freezing temperatures.Having made coffee,I came here as I always do if possible,it enables me to think and put my thoughts to print;it provides no solutions as such,but the exercise at least lets me know where I'm at personally.My book is progressing well,it requires some self discipline,but the thought of self publishing it on amazon and earning even a little income is sufficient to keep me typing away.What else?,diabetic clinic on the 5th of February,writing group on the 6th,cognitive behavioral therapy on the 10th and doctor on the 21st;there,my month wrapped up in a nutshell,organized or what?!. Time for another coffee,my breathing is adequate today,thus far,so I will leave you until tomorrow,I am trying to remain positive,but it is very hard at times,especially when Jeremiah speaks to me,he is a very strong individual,and I struggle to control him at times,Michael and Ruth are not as strong,or as forceful as Jeremiah,but I am very aware that they are growing stronger everyday.May God continue to walk with us this day,peace be with us.
This morning,my back is very painful again,not helped by the fact that I had to wrestle my way from under the bedclothes while surrounded by three dogs and a slumbering wife!,but at least we were warm in last night freezing temperatures.Having made coffee,I came here as I always do if possible,it enables me to think and put my thoughts to print;it provides no solutions as such,but the exercise at least lets me know where I'm at personally.My book is progressing well,it requires some self discipline,but the thought of self publishing it on amazon and earning even a little income is sufficient to keep me typing away.What else?,diabetic clinic on the 5th of February,writing group on the 6th,cognitive behavioral therapy on the 10th and doctor on the 21st;there,my month wrapped up in a nutshell,organized or what?!. Time for another coffee,my breathing is adequate today,thus far,so I will leave you until tomorrow,I am trying to remain positive,but it is very hard at times,especially when Jeremiah speaks to me,he is a very strong individual,and I struggle to control him at times,Michael and Ruth are not as strong,or as forceful as Jeremiah,but I am very aware that they are growing stronger everyday.May God continue to walk with us this day,peace be with us.
Replies