Another gloomy day

The weather is not as bad as yesterday but it's still overcast therefore I am too. I made it through another day of wondering how Mr. Lindsay was doing. His daughter in law did not call me yesterday so, I was holding my breath wondering how he was. I finally called her this morning and she said she would give me an update later today. She just called me and he now has MRSA, on antibiotics, has a breathing tube inserted. However, they will be moving him out of ICU into a regular room later today. I will not be able to see him for awhile yet. She told him I had an Eskimo pie waiting for him. He requested that the last time I saw him. Although he seems to be getting better, she told me not to get my hopes too high because it was only a matter of time. He has had trouble with his breathing the whole time I've known him. I am glad to hear he will be returning to the nursing home once he progresses. I am also bracing myself for what may happen. I'm going to attend another bereavement meeting tonight and I'm sure we will talk about him, my feelings and pray. Being that I have become so attached to him, I need to prepare for what seems to be the inevitable. I hope but do not know, if this will resurface the emotions of losing my Dad. I know he has been a major part of my life and I have possibly been "over clinging" to him to ease the pain of losing Daddy. He can never replace him but, I had something to look forward to. I don't know if I will search for another "buddy" at the nursing home. I enjoy going there and I know there are residents who have little or no family. I would welcome anyone to visit me, if I was there. I'll just call this a wait and see for now. Who knows, God may allow him to remain here for longer than we think! I feel I've had somewhat of a setback lately and I need to regain some strength to tackle the next bout. I can't let myself go backwards. I need to stick to my original plans and get out of this house. However as I said before, I don't know if staying busy and not taking the time to think is the way to go. Something is just not right. I lose my train of thought a lot, feel as if I'm in a daze and quite confused at times. Tonight, I will have people to talk to. I'm going crazy only having my animals to talk to. They seem to listen pretty well but it's a one sided conversation. They haven't offered any advice but I can see and feel their love. I know they need me. If they could only talk. My dog Drexel, is about 13. He is also having some health issues. He is aging, as we are and I know how "putting 4 dogs and 2 cats to sleep" affected me. I held them as they were "put to sleep" and I will never, ever get over the "what ifs" from that. I know that when they could no longer eat, walk or function at all, they had to be miserable. To keep them alive and watch them go slowly would have been selfish and cruel on my part. We always had animals when I was growing up and they are more important to me than anything. They could never hurt me as much as people have.