Another Gift
Another Gift…
Yesterday I was helping my son do some stuff at his house as he has worked 21 days in a row and was getting behind on e’thing. I was glad to help. Anyway, thru the process, I was coming up the basement steps (with too much in hand) slipped and cut a big gash in my leg. Travis was mowing, so I got it rinsed off, put peroxide on it and hollered for him to come and look. We decided I didn’t need to go get stitches. He went back to mowing and I continued doing what I was doing, but the bleeding wouldn’t stop. Once again I hollered for him; once again he came. I said, “do you have antibiotic cream , band-aids, bandages, etc. He brought bandage wrap, tape, cream, scissors, etc…asking once again if I wanted him to take me to Urgent Care. I said no. He went back to mowing. Here’s the clincher: I WAS PISSED; ANGRY! I felt (I guess my little girl) he was not being considerate enough; NOT paying enough attention, etc. Me: “How dare he go back to mowing when my leg is cut wide open and bleeding like crazy! I actually left his house still being angry!
This morning in meditation I asked for understanding and some clarity about this…It came to me when we were young (all of us kids) there was NEVER A TIME WHEN OUR PAIN ( PHYSICAL OR EMOTIONAL) WAS ATTENDED TO. SUCK IT UP AND GET ON WITH IT! You see, I heard Travis offer help, yet I didn’t hear him offer help. Me in my head: “If you really cared, you wouldn’t go back to mowing that f…..n’ yard; how selfish of YOU! I couldn’t “RECEIVE” his help as it was foreign to me. This is how I played a martyr my whole life…not intentionally! I COULD NOT HEAR PEOPLE’S OFFER TO HELP. I would do things myself and then get mad…..
My baby brother was here last weekend for his class reunion and stayed with me for 4 days. One of his biggest issues with me was “I don’t hear what he is saying.” Myself, I didn’t believe that to be true as one of the things I have really been aware of lately is “to listen deeply!” We were able to talk about it…Each time him breaking down crying…I am wondering this a.m., if he, as I, cannot accept that someone is LISTENING TO HIM! Especially me, because he had such issues with our Mom and I look like my Mom and am 10yrs. older than him… NO ONE EVER HEARD HIM! HE IS AN EX-ADDICT AND NO ONE EVER HEARD HIS CRY FOR HELP!
I guess I am saying, for me, how unconsciously we see things in our life and then stand firm in our belief “dammit I am right.” Well, I was not “right”….my son did offer help (twice) and I said “no, I think I will be ok!” I am as of this am., opening up myself to once again “listen deeply” and “receive” all the GOOD others are doing!
Once again, thank-you Universe for this wonderful Awareness! I am so very grateful!
Hugszzzz, Vicki
Yesterday I was helping my son do some stuff at his house as he has worked 21 days in a row and was getting behind on e’thing. I was glad to help. Anyway, thru the process, I was coming up the basement steps (with too much in hand) slipped and cut a big gash in my leg. Travis was mowing, so I got it rinsed off, put peroxide on it and hollered for him to come and look. We decided I didn’t need to go get stitches. He went back to mowing and I continued doing what I was doing, but the bleeding wouldn’t stop. Once again I hollered for him; once again he came. I said, “do you have antibiotic cream , band-aids, bandages, etc. He brought bandage wrap, tape, cream, scissors, etc…asking once again if I wanted him to take me to Urgent Care. I said no. He went back to mowing. Here’s the clincher: I WAS PISSED; ANGRY! I felt (I guess my little girl) he was not being considerate enough; NOT paying enough attention, etc. Me: “How dare he go back to mowing when my leg is cut wide open and bleeding like crazy! I actually left his house still being angry!
This morning in meditation I asked for understanding and some clarity about this…It came to me when we were young (all of us kids) there was NEVER A TIME WHEN OUR PAIN ( PHYSICAL OR EMOTIONAL) WAS ATTENDED TO. SUCK IT UP AND GET ON WITH IT! You see, I heard Travis offer help, yet I didn’t hear him offer help. Me in my head: “If you really cared, you wouldn’t go back to mowing that f…..n’ yard; how selfish of YOU! I couldn’t “RECEIVE” his help as it was foreign to me. This is how I played a martyr my whole life…not intentionally! I COULD NOT HEAR PEOPLE’S OFFER TO HELP. I would do things myself and then get mad…..
My baby brother was here last weekend for his class reunion and stayed with me for 4 days. One of his biggest issues with me was “I don’t hear what he is saying.” Myself, I didn’t believe that to be true as one of the things I have really been aware of lately is “to listen deeply!” We were able to talk about it…Each time him breaking down crying…I am wondering this a.m., if he, as I, cannot accept that someone is LISTENING TO HIM! Especially me, because he had such issues with our Mom and I look like my Mom and am 10yrs. older than him… NO ONE EVER HEARD HIM! HE IS AN EX-ADDICT AND NO ONE EVER HEARD HIS CRY FOR HELP!
I guess I am saying, for me, how unconsciously we see things in our life and then stand firm in our belief “dammit I am right.” Well, I was not “right”….my son did offer help (twice) and I said “no, I think I will be ok!” I am as of this am., opening up myself to once again “listen deeply” and “receive” all the GOOD others are doing!
Once again, thank-you Universe for this wonderful Awareness! I am so very grateful!
Hugszzzz, Vicki
Replies
Victorious Vicki... victorious again!!! Thank you so much for sharing!!! XOXOXO Rosie
At least you caught the lesson sooner than before by asking for clarity, and you got it! Good lesson for me too.
Thanks, and I hope the peg-leg is better soon. No accidents in the Universe, Right?
Hugszzz,
Rich
Hi Vicki,
Wow, that is great awareness. It is like we filter out the good stuff, because we don\'t expect good or something like that. So, even when offered, we don\'t hear it, really. I have done that before, too. Been angry about being ignored, when I was not ignored. And of course a bit of mind reading demands thrown in for good measure in my case, lol.
Hugs,
Shar
I have done this same thing so many times. And even when people have tried to call me out on this behavior I have clung to my martyrhood. We keep learning as we go along right?
Is your leg ok?! That sounds like a nasty gash!
(((HUG)))
It finally stopped bleeding today. I\'m going to the Y; maybe the chlorine will help! If the bandage comes off, I\'ll have to leave.
We\'ll see.
Hugszzz!
Eeek! I hope it is ok. Take good care of yourself :)