Another Frustrating Counseling Session
Monday, April 20, 2009 - 8:45 PM My brother and I met with Dale and Dr. Martin again today. Things went pretty much the way they did last week. I am growing a somewhat frustrated since I do not feel that this is helping my depression very much. I was asked by my brother how I felt when I heard him say that he was ashamed to be seen with me in public. With some prodding by Dale, I said that I had been hurt, angry, saddened, disappointed, etc. Lee said he thought my answer would be somewhat along those lines, but he wanted to be honest with me. He asked what type of relationship I wanted with him. I replied something along the lines that I had with our sister, although somewhat different. He did not indicate what kind of relationship he wanted with me. He said that he was trying to figure out what we could do together other than for him to come to my apartment now and then. He admitted that he really did not know that much about me and my likes and dislikes, just as I did not know that much about him. I said that could hardly be my fault since he had been the one to withdraw from me, not communicating very much either by e-mail or telephone. He accepted the responsibility for that. This seemed to be a rather unusual meeting. Lee seemed to be jumping from one subject to another, and he finally admitted that some of his students often accused him of doing that. I told him that he had been doing that today, just as he had been doing that on other days. He said that he knew I needed psychological help from for many years, and he proceeded to thank Dale and Dr. Martin for helping me. He also told them that I had been in psychological counseling for many years. (At times, I considered him to have diarrhea of the mouth.) I do not know how he happened to bring this up, but at one point, he said that Dale reminded him of Norman Vincent Peale, and Dr. Martin seemed to be his "pom-pom girl." He also wanted to know what I thought of Audie Murphy. He said that Murphy had been a psychotic, but I said that did not detract from the fact that he had been an American hero. (I do not know what in the world this had to do with anything that we were discussing.) Toward the conclusion of the session, Dale said there was a lot that he had to think over, and he wanted to see us again next Monday. Lee said that he was busy that day, but could make it the one after that. I said that I would be there as well. After Lee had left the meeting, Dale told Dr. Martin and I that he was worn out. He stated that a lot has been said that he needed to go over in his mind. He and Dr. Martin had a meeting after I left. When I initially went to this clinic, I went there to get help with my depression. At that time, I had been having suicidal feelings. Although I did get help with my drug problems, anxiety, and I am now working on my family ties, I fail to see how this is doing much to help my depression. I told Dale that I would like to see him for a one-on-one session, possibly next Monday. At first, he was in agreement with this, but then he said he would have to check his schedule and give me a call. I fail to understand why he could see Lee, Dr. Martin, and me next Monday, but now that Lee and Dr. Martin cannot make it, all of a sudden, he has to check his schedule and call me. If I know Dale as well as I think I do, I will never receive that promised phone call.
Replies
\"I fail\"...
You started two sentences with that...
...sigh...
What did we talk about long ago, about choosing words that feed your depression?
REMEMBER what my cousin told me about going through her child-of-an-alcoholic therapy:
\"Sometimes it\'s like slogging through mud.\"
If you have to take a break, then take one. And if if Dale needs a break, or needs to defer treatment to someone new because things may be drifting from his area of expertise, STAY CALM. They, and we, want THE BEST for you.
You are in the mud portion of this Jim, and there\'s no hastening it. You confirmed yourself, that you didn\'t get this way overnight, and you won\'t solve it that way either.
The discomfort and dis-ease you\'re feeling, is because the discomfort and dis-ease you have squelched for so many years is reacting to being poked with a stick. It doesn\'t like it. It\'s trying to stay in its nice little hell hole, and you keep trying to get it to move on......
And yes, it can manifest itself in other illness and pain. So take your time, but be careful the words you choose in describing what you\'re going through.
Don\'t feed your depression. And, make sure it\'s depression. And not sadness that you don\'t have a loving family, or grief and uncertainty in advance knowing that the outcome you seek may not happen where your family is concerned. Or discouraged that people you have found a comfort zone with, may be moving on.
Depression, sadness, grief, uncertainty,discouraged, are all ENTIRELY DIFFERENT THINGS. Under the same umbrella perhaps but DIFFERENT. They require different actions.
Just my uneducated opinion. I leave you and the rest of the world to theirs.
Hugs and Mojo
Toughlove Weebs
Jim J can\'t figure your brother out. His feelings seem to be all over the place. When it comes to a relationship with you. Hang in there hugs-Stephanie
You sure are in the mud portion. I think it\'s a sign you are a very emotional and deep person that you are depressed right now, Jim. The world needs more people like you, desperately. I am hoping that you can find those in your future who recognize this.
My first thought about your brother is that he\'s scared. Terrified. I say big deal. He doesn\'t even know fear like you do.
I think the power shift that is happening here is very uncomfortable for you. It\'s likely not a familiar place. Depression is though, right? If you need to be depressed for a bit, then do so. Just make yourself (and us) a promise that if your thoughts go too far into it then you will reach out - like you did by asking to see Dale alone.
I really hope he calls you and doesn\'t let you down. If he doesn\'t call, then try your hardest not to take it personally. He\'s your psychologist, not family or friend. That is the difficulty I have with psychology and psychotherapy. All too often it\'s simply paid friendship and then I feel there are all these \'boundaries\' that I have to follow instead of feeling like I can be myself.
I really think your brother needed the label of psychologist to help him with the power shift that is inevitable. Your brother needs more help than you do. You should be counseling him.
Oh, and good job on helping him try to see that Audie Murphy is a hero. Now we gotta get him to realize that he wasn\'t psychotic. Oh, this poor brother of yours needs so much help. Ugh.
Again, my visit here finds me very, very tired.
Sorry, I may have only a short, rambling comment for you again.
I agree with you about the appt. thing with Dale...cheez.
Lee is starting to crash and burn.
He can only tap dance so long and keep up that front of being the \" ok \" one.
What a confused, arrogant, pompous, confused, confused...individual.
For the love of God...Audie Murphy and pom pom girls....whoa.
I know you love this guy and want a relationship with him, but he sure gets under my skin.....
I hope you take a step back and see what an intelligent, dignified, and very capable man you are.
Psssssssssssssssst ??? Lee sees it, too. Poor Lee. He has such a long path ahead of him.
Deep peace and much self appreciation to you, JimK.
You are rich beyond your wildest dreams....and pretty cool, too.
I repeatedly searched this journal entry until I managed to find the places where I said those awful words, \"I fail.\" There is no denying that I said them even though I have been trying to be more positive in what I write here. I guess it just goes to prove that I am not trying hard enough.
Depression, sadness, grief, uncertainty,discouraged, are all ENTIRELY DIFFERENT THINGS. Under the same umbrella perhaps but DIFFERENT. They require different actions.
Just my uneducated opinion. I leave you and the rest of the world to theirs.
As long as we live in a free world, your opinions still count with me.
Jim J can\'t figure your brother out. His feelings seem to be all over the place.
I spoke with my psychologist at some length about my brother today. I have been very concerned about him because of the unusual manner in which he acted on Monday. I will be writing more about this tomorrow.
Actually, the more comments I keep reading here, the more I can tell that it will be better for me not to answer each and every one of them tonight, but to wait until tomorrow and write a whole new entry. Some important things have been happening relative to my brother and his psychological health (I can now see that he has some serious problems).
I have made arrangements to see Dale on Monday morning in order to discuss not only my brother, but how I am feeling as well. I feel that some of the problems my brother has are beginning to overlap some of the ones I have. I am not sure where we go from here.
One thing I do know, is that I am feeling as though I need more help now than I did before, and I do not feel as though I am getting much help at all. My life has become more confusing than ever, and I am not sure how much longer I can put up with it.
\"One thing I do know, is that I am feeling as though I need more help now than I did before, \"
But that\'s what therapy is. It unearths things.
Once you get a good look at them, you\'ll be able to bury them with a little shout. Say, \'Ah-HAH, you didn\'t win after all\', and unceremoniously dump them in a pit!
It takes time.
I\'m with you whatever you need to do to stay sane.
At least it sounds like your discomforts about your brother are affirmed. Had you not stuck with it, YOU WOULDN\'T HAVE FOUND THAT OUT. You\'d have still been in that \'not sure of yourself and your perceptions\' place. Which is worse, is it not?
Hugs and Mojo
Weebs
Weebs is a genius.
\"At least it sounds like your discomforts about your brother are affirmed. Had you not stuck with it, YOU WOULDN\'T HAVE FOUND THAT OUT. You\'d have still been in that \'not sure of yourself and your perceptions\' place. Which is worse, is it not?\"
It is worse, I think. I needed to read that. I wonder sometimes (and wish) I could go back in time to the place I was before all the yucky realizations. I wouldn\'t trade anything for that sureness and belief that my judgment is okay though.
You aren\'t alone, Jim. You describe my feelings very well.
I think you are doing fine, despite the emotional pain you are feeling. From where I sit it is like you are shifting perceptions. You are starting to see and feel your power which can feel mighty uncomfortable at first. Change causes friction.
You are doing all the right things to combat your depression. You\'ve come so far in the last couple years. You\'ve done more than most can handle. The realization that your goal cannot be achieved is a hard thing to swallow. I say start a new goal after a few days of grieving this one. You worked hard. It can\'t be easy to let it go.
Weebs is pretty awesome.
Hang in there...you have done so much hard work.
My grandmother used to tell me that after the storm, we had to wait for the sediment to fall back to the bottom...seems like life works in a similar fashion.