Another Decent Day

Anxiety has definitely been lower for about 2 days now. Which is a huge relief and depression not nearly as bad! I find myself feeling really vulnerable and needy though. Which can be a bad combination because DH isn't the most comforting man on the planet. I think unfortunately the abuse shaped so many parts of me. More than I would like to admit. It seems so safe to be able to talk about it here and get it out of my system. It's amazing that though I think about it.. I never really talk about it out loud. It starts to eat at you. Especially when you still see your abuser. I've thought about therapy many times, but maybe I'm not brave enough yet. My period is late. Not just a little late. Being pregnant is so terrifying for those of us who have been abused. I can only have female doctors and if I don't like them it can cause triggers. Not to mention the flashback nightmares it causes me. I still have those a lot but when I'm pregnant it's constant. I'm going to be brave and test tomorrow. Better to know now so I can prepare myself. I think I'm going to get some rest now.