Another Day 1
I'm yet again on Day 1. Every time I find myself here I feel so determined, pathetic, sad, angry, disappointed and literally ill from being out all night yet still not able to sleep.
I have made the decision to take one more step to starting my recovery. I'm going to self exclude from the casino. I've wanted to do it for about a year, but my Mom (who I gamble with often) has always talked me out of it. Just learn how to know when to stop, she says. Oh sure, just like that. I know she knows its not that easy. I don't even know how much money she's spent over the decades, but its many many tens of thousands I'm sure. You don't get 'free' suites, room service, fancy brunches, cigarettes, meals in every high end restaurant etc by being a light gambler.
Today, while its still very raw and real, I confessed to my mother that I gambled again last night, losing over a thousand dollars I don't have…….again and I told her in no uncertain terms that I AM going to self exclude. Its just not an option not to at this point. IT MUST BE DONE. I need to do it for my sanity, my health, my children and myself.
I wish I could sleep. I feel delirious and broken but I am elated I'm finally going to take another positive step.
I have made the decision to take one more step to starting my recovery. I'm going to self exclude from the casino. I've wanted to do it for about a year, but my Mom (who I gamble with often) has always talked me out of it. Just learn how to know when to stop, she says. Oh sure, just like that. I know she knows its not that easy. I don't even know how much money she's spent over the decades, but its many many tens of thousands I'm sure. You don't get 'free' suites, room service, fancy brunches, cigarettes, meals in every high end restaurant etc by being a light gambler.
Today, while its still very raw and real, I confessed to my mother that I gambled again last night, losing over a thousand dollars I don't have…….again and I told her in no uncertain terms that I AM going to self exclude. Its just not an option not to at this point. IT MUST BE DONE. I need to do it for my sanity, my health, my children and myself.
I wish I could sleep. I feel delirious and broken but I am elated I'm finally going to take another positive step.
Replies
Good to hear you\'re back. Exclusion is a terrific tool to help with temptation.
Hang in there,
Jay
You can do this! It\'s so worth it! This addiction is very hard to beat but with help and tools it can be done! Hugs! Cher
Thank you Jay and Cher.
Jay I\'m really looking forward to the self exclusion. and thanks for the welcome back.
Cher, We can all do it and I know we all will. Being here and getting encouragement from everyone is so uplifting and valuable.
As usual, now is not my worry. Now I have NO interest at all. Its later, once the wounds have healed and the terrible, horrible feelings have faded..........that\'s when it sneaks up on me.
Thanks to you both for your messages of support. You are both so valuable to this site and all the best to your own recoveries.
I KNOW it can be done.