Another day that could only happen in my life!

Today was a beautiful Sunday. Sunny and 75! I have a beautiful home, two healthy kids and I am still thankful for all of it but... This is how my life really is! I don't know how it got so twisted!Anyway I have opened my home up to my homeless jobless ex husband. My babies Daddy. He came here with no money and no place to go and no job. I took him in like a puppy even though this is the man that claimed to love me and emotional and verbally abused me for 18 years. After I made him leave he returned several times to break in and steal from me. He stabbed my tires and his own son's tires (because he bought them for Christmas so somehow he figured making me rebuy them would be better and hurt me!). He called drunk a million times and threatened me and to shot me, etc... None the less, two years later I say come on in, let me let you use me again! He started out on his best behavior, working in the yard, garage, pool and even running errands for me (of course I had to give him gas money!). He got unemployment and gave me two hundred dollars the first time he got it. Then he borrowed most of it back after he ran out of money. I redid his resume, helped get it emailed to employers, etc... He started working this week. Yea!  Over the four weeks he has been here he has been his normal bipolar self. One min. crying that he still loves me. The next running out to meet a chick he just hooked up with on line. I don't care I was hoping one would like him and keep him. I try to avoid any deep conversations with him because they would turn to how much he loves me and wants to try again. He is warpped. I think he believes it. I sure don't! I also had to listen to him cry about how he was "done!" and how his life sucked and he had nothing, etc.. I tried to encourage him (like I am in any place to do that). I explained God was giving him a chance to start over and I would help, he just had to do it. I shared books, that helped me, he never read the first word. I offered church he would say next time. I really tried. He would look like a sad puppy if he knew I was going out. I explained I didn't love anyone, they were just friends, like he and I. So he said why can't we spend time together as friends. I said ok sometime we will. Last night we were supposed to hang out. I cancelled a date (not with anyone special) to take in a movie or something with him. He had gone out Friday night, as did I (with a good friend). Saturday morning I took my daughter to a party. I got home about 3:00pm. He was just out of the shower and acted like he was taking off somewhere. He had got his first paycheck on Friday! I said what's up, what are we doing tonight (I really wasn't looking forward to it but I did promise). He said oh no honey, I forgot! WTF? I said so you made other plans. He said yea, sorry. I just said no problem, don't ask again! I got the oh don't be mad. Just go, I said. He left at 4:00pm telling me that he was going to a BBQ, not that I asked. He didn't come home until 10:00 this morning. He looked like shit and his nose had some dried blood. No he didn't get in a fight! It is from using coke! He is 45 years old and living off of me! I buy food, toilet paper, everything! He gave me nothing out of his paycheck and claims he didn't get his unemployment check yet!He and my son were to go over to Tony's today to pick up my furniture before his chick and her kids move into "our" home!! Fucktard!  Branden (my son) had gone surfing and I told him to be home at noon. Mr. wonderful didn't want to wait. Wanted to get back to parting I guess! So he called a buddy to ride over to Tony's. I didn't go I couldn't stand to see Tony! Ron is much bigger and stronger than Tony. Tony much smarter than Ron. Ron aslo blames Tony for our breakup it couldn't be all the years of problems we had or his drinking or drugs or abuse. No it was Tony! NOT!!!! Tony and I were only friends until my divorce was final. Tony was insistant upon that (funny considering he ended up cheating on me!).ANyway I guess it went down without major incident. When Ron came back, he laughed as thow he was looking down on me for my choice and said, "really Brenda, that is who you wanted, huh?!?  If you want to have fun you need to hang with me." He had a shitty grin on his face as he hoped on the Harley I paid for and took off down the road again! I even had to give him $20.00 for gas to go get my stuff. He claimed he was broke and didn't have the gas for his truck! My life is a damn circus and I am the monkey!The two men that have been most important to me in my life are both loosers and care nothing at all for me or about me and never have!  I feel stupid, sad and mad all at the same time!I got my stuff from Tony so I will be forgetting him now!!! I have to don't want to waste another min. on him!!I need Ron to watch the dog over Thanksgiving as me and the kids are off to my brothers house in VA. Then his ass is out of here. I will tell him he has a week to find a new dumb ass to take him in! If he has money to put up his nose he can buy his own damn shit paper!!I am done with both of these loosers for life!I am better alone!!I still wonder why I am not worthy of a decent man and if God will ever think me worthy and send one my way. I am good and loving and that is why assholes can take me I guess. I can't say it won't happen again because I refuse to change. There is nothing wrong with me. There is something wrong with them. Maybe next time I will give to someone worthy and my love and efforts will be returned, maybe. I've learned not to count on anything! or anone! but me!!!