Another day over
I finally did something I wanted to do a couple of weeks ago! I made a flower wreath for the door. I burned myself several times with the glue gun (OUCH!!) but I was so glad to finally have gotten something on my "to-do list for myself" done. I didn't sign up to be co-dependent or anyone's slave, but it seems that sometimes, when you are raised to be responsible, some people take advantage. It seems lately all I deal with is the fallout from the divorce, our childrens' problems from it and life in general or pets that everyone wanted until they need something! But I have been very impressed by our eldest; she's been a trooper, cleaning up dog poop and even scrubbing the carpet.
I am hoping that I can find a little more time to do some of the things I want to do and some of the things that I've been putting off without meaning too...I feel as if my relatives have really taken a back seat since this divorce drama started. Even before, really, because of all the intrigue that was occurring but not acknowledged.
Still gotta go through and finish finding and dealing with all of the soggy boxes in the basement, go through all this medical stuff, and keep my head on straight. But for now, time for some rest!
I am hoping that I can find a little more time to do some of the things I want to do and some of the things that I've been putting off without meaning too...I feel as if my relatives have really taken a back seat since this divorce drama started. Even before, really, because of all the intrigue that was occurring but not acknowledged.
Still gotta go through and finish finding and dealing with all of the soggy boxes in the basement, go through all this medical stuff, and keep my head on straight. But for now, time for some rest!
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My husband \"went blind\" when I was pregnant with our first daughter. It really happened (he has diabetes), but I realized later that it was probably stress induced, too. His parents told him to move back here, so he told me he was going to move here, \"with or without me\". Since he was walking with a blind cane, I didn\'t question the need to take on additional responsibility, do some caretaking, etc. But 5 or 6 years later, I started to thinnk he should be able to do something. I even offered to drive him to classes, or do something we could both participate in (like become real estate agents). But no go. The more assertive I became, the more I realized that I had been signed up for a prison term, without my knowledge, consent or participation in the discussion. My kids\' benefit checks are running out, so last year he just happened to meet a woman with a young child who makes about 50k a year. He filed for divorce after he decided she would marry him. But to hedge his bets, he demanded I get out and take $11,000 of bills off his hands.
9 months later, still waiting for the divorce. He\'s tried to inflate his debts using medical expenses that haven\'t gone through insurance or Medicare. He\'s also informed me that he\'ll do whatever to drive up my legal fees. I found out I could qualify for a mortgage on my own, but I have to wait for the divorce to be final or a signed property settlement. He told me that I have to be out the day the divorce is final (right now, there\'s a restraining order against him because of all his screaming and threats). Everytime he talks with our daughters, they seem to get upset with me. Apparently, I\'m holding up the divorce. I\'m the person destroying lives, not the married woman he\'s been having his affair with (or him).
For the last six months, he\'s been living next door with his mommie, who is the person in our small town who doles out toilet paper, food and other assisitance, if you \"qualify\". She\'s a pillar of the local church, but hasn\'t blinked at having a married adultress in her \"home\"-says she\'s a nice lasy who reserves Sundays for her \"family\" (the one she\'s betraying. Does she not care AT ALL about her grandchildren? What example does she think her son is setting to his two teenage daughters? No, I\'m pretty sure she doesn\'t care. Mind you, she told my daughters, years ago during our last divorce, that mommy was going to kill them. Talk about trying to poison a relationship!
Maybe because it\'s been about a year since I found out that something \"phony\" was going on, I\'ve been feeling rotten the last few days. I remember: July 8, he told me he was going to \"Todd\'s\" house. I looked it up on the phone locator, bored. It was supposed to be a co-worker. But the name didn\'t match and I happened to write it on my scratch paper. July 10, he came riding up to me on the mower and almost yelled, \"What did you say to our daughter?!\" I asked what he was talking about. \"She asked me if I have a girlfriend,\" he answered. I informed him that if I thought such a thing, I\'d be discussing it with him, not our teenage daughter. Later that day, when we went out, I reached into the middle console for some paper and pulled out a piece with a woman\'s name and number. I asked who she was and if he\'d called her. I didn\'t know what hit me, but something had. Turns out, he\'d put her number into his cell phone under a guy\'s name. I only noticed it because I\'d copied all his names/numbers (with his knowledge) because he broke so many cell phones and lost the numbers. It turned out that\'s whose house he\'s gone to, also. When I confronted him, he told me he\'d lied because I\'d \"have gotten upset\". No duh! So he lied for two more months before calling in sick to work and going off to spend the weekend with her.
He was almost funny...he filed for divorce and kept trying to drive me out with threats and trying to give me panic attacks. When we had a provisional hearing, the judge (thank you!) allowed me to stay in the house...he phoned me later in the day to inform me he was moving back in. Not knowing the legals, I didn\'t argue; merely called the sheriff and asked for hints in case of problems. I did tell him we were going to let the Court know he was staying there, as I noticed the wording of the order stated \"exclusive use and possession\" when it came in the mail. He decided not to cooperate, so I trundled his things down to his mother\'s.
Why did I ever come back? Two reasons, but the first was that I was pretty sure I\'d never get custody of my children back. We\'d finally gone through a Court Appointed Special Advocate screening; the verdict was that I was \"strict\", where he was \"lax\", we were seen as balancing each other out! He had violated the Court orders regarding visitation and such many times. I\'d written nice letters to the Court without result, but having no attorney or money, guess they carried no clout. I finally wrote a very angry letter, which probably did make me sound crazy.
I came back more as a roommate; paid my rent and didn\'t want romance. Time went by and yes, I thought the changes I saw were going to last...obviously, the best thing WOULD BE that our children could see that problems could be worked out. Unfortunately, though, I didn\'t realize that he also had a nearly $10,000 a year gambling addiction. I knew he bought too many lottery tickets, but he kept the amounts pretty well hidden, and I\'m not the type to pry into every detail. I did start to wonder why I never seemed to have as much money a while back and had to use my credit cards more...I found out the extent after he filed divorce. Makes me sick...I also found out that we\'d only paid about $5,000 in principal on our mortgage in 13 years...I found several refi\'s he\'d done. Knew about the last one: $5,000 for our daughter\'s braes, $10,000 on his debts.