Another day of silence in my house

I have been sitting here at my computer and studying perspective drawing.  Glad I have this time to study.  I am trying to draw a barn that I took a pic of the other day.  I am glad I have this time but...........I feel the tension in this house between my husband and his mother.  Neither of them have talked to each other, each one waiting for the other one to probably say they are sorry because of the argument they had.  Both my husband and my mother in law are very stubborn.  I understand where my husband learned not to express feelings, especially hurt feelings.  He learned it from his mother.  I do understand the hurt my husband is feeling right now.  It seems that whatever he does or even whatever i do is not enough as far as my mother in law is concerned.  Pat and I made a pact that we would never give his mom 24/7 time.  We do have a life of our own, just as my mother in law had a life of her own until she got older.  She would like very much for us to be upstairs giving her attention.  But we both refuse to do that. While I am at work Pat spends a lot of time talking to his mom or taking her places she likes to go or to the doctor with her.  He is a good son to her, but as she said the other day to him, using guilt to get her way "Look all I have done for you" kinda guilt, she really pisses me off. I asked my son have I ever said that to him, and he said no.  I am of the thought as a mother that whatever I do for my son, I do out of love, not duty, love.  Even when we don't agree my son knows he is loved by me and that i respect him and I feel that same respect. My mother in law knows no other way of expressing herself without throwing some guilt into the conversation.  And guilt no longer works for me.   I actually went upstairs yesterday and said very straightforward, "so what is going on with you."  We talked and now she and I are talking. Guess I did that for my own peace of mind. This house is my childhood.  If it were not silent treatment then it was violence between the family.  My second foster mother would be mad at me for a week and I never knew why.  So as much as I have said it does not bother me it does!!!!!!!!!!!!!I feel tense and I hurt for my husband.  This is a man who has been there for his mother, time and time again. He is not feeling appreciated for what he has done and that has got to hurt.  I told him yesterday, now you know what I felt in the first few years of being here, because then  I was the scapegoat of the family.  I was the one who got constantly verbally abused by his mom..  But I was also acting out of that little girl I once was desparate for my mother in laws love and appreciation for what I would do for her.  I saw then she did not appreciate but instead abused me verbally.  What I would like to see happen is for the both of them to talk,  but that is because I do not like what is going on.  I will not intervene on my husbands or my mother in laws behalf.  This is something only they can work out.....but i know because of them both being stubborn, who knows how long this silence, which at times is deafening will go on.  At this time I would rather be out of this house so I do not have to feel what I felt way too often in the foster homes I lived in.  Once again I am grateful for the knowledge and awareness I have and that as dysfunctional as this is, I do not have to be a part of it.  Tomorrow I will go out and take my sketch pad and pick up a friend and we will draw or paint. I have to say tho this really sucks.  Nice way to spend my vacation week.  My mother in law is at fault here and she is way too damn proud to make it better by talking to her son, my husband.  She really is a meanspirited woman and I have 5 years of seeing this behavior to know what I say is true.