Another day in my screwed up mind

Funny how I once was a functionong adult, and then zap, one day I turned into this person that I am now.  How does that happen??  I guess if they knew that one we'd all be better off.  I just don't understand what had to have happened for me to be like this..I can't be around too many strangers or I go into full panic mode, now if it's family I'm a little bit better off because they know what's wrong with me.  Just seems extremely weird to me how I could have changed...it also seems to me that if you can change like that, why can't we change back??  Makes no sense to me, but nowadays not much does.  I just keep plugging away trying to find the right path, but it's gettting to the point where not much makes sense anymore.  Just wish I had some magic pills that would allow me to turn back into my old self, but I don't so here I am all 100% freak.