Another day ... frustration, dreams and oh, FB is so handy sometimes!

Checking in for a few and catching up here... I have forms to fill out and turn in (for the daughters' college) and for car repair app ... I am learning something about "publicizing". I am sure that we wouldn't experience so much grief if our expectations were more in line with reality.
It may be that those who make/enforce laws are really NOT aware, but I have been frustrated and growing ever more aggravated by losing time and money from my life by someone who wants to break what apparently was only a "business" contract with me and make me shoulder a lot of unnecessary grief, but costs as well ... Basically, I used to think that if I was in trouble, all I had to do was call for help or follow whatever procedures were in place.
I may not think having affairs is the smartest thing in the world, but hey, if people are going to do that, I don't think I should be expected to suffer while they are having a grand old time (til they learn) at my expense or children's. I have been writing to everyone in authority I can think of, or calling and following up ... I have been a bit dumbfounded first off by how many times I have been treated as a "crazy lady" because I am not more "accepting" of affairs ... the affair part I can handle ... I pretty well understand the basics and know it's not a "slam" on me ... what I can't handle is that I am being expected (AGAIN) to rearrange my whole universe and future plans PLUS see my finances (which I have worked very hard over these past several years to pay down ... going without at times or postponing my own desires/needs). I also cannot and will not tolerate being made out that I am in the wrong ... I can read law well enough to know that I AM NOT the one in the wrong and my conclusion is bolstered by research, professional literature and case law.
My results so far ... no reporters have contacted me (I probably need to tweak my approach/enclose materials), only the governor's office and the state DV agency have replied, and that I am grateful for! I had to laugh, as I am still working out the replies, but when the woman from the DV agency wrote, it was something like, "I am confused ... what do you want?" I have started two drafts in reply and I AM CONFUSED ... the whole plot of my "life" is like something out of one of those "True Story" magazines that they used to sell, with article titles like "The Great Imposter: Family Man or a Sham", "Nature or Nurture: The Bad Seed - Like Mother, Like Son" or "Boys Gone Wild: Held Captive by Party Animals" (these are from actual issues I looked up with Google image search!). So I am trying to decide how best to reply.
I'm learning about the "Economic Justice" movement ... I am not really knowledgeable about all of that, but I am tired of my money being taken away and having to start from scratch or in the hole .... because for years, I've been told, "it's a civil matter". Well, I know domestic violence is a criminal matter and there are programs for victims to provide payment for treatment and such; sometimes restitution is ordered, which may be part of a criminal action (I am not sure whether it is made to the state, in that case, as actions are normally tried in the name of the state rather than the victim) or a civil action. I do know that the bar for a civil judgment is not as high as for a criminal case; there need not be proof "beyond a reasonable doubt", the evidence needs to merely be strongly supportive of the case assertion. I am sort of understanding why someone might want to pursue such a case, although I am also learning that many people are "judgment proof" and a victory might not guarantee ever seeing a penny (sort of like child support, no?) ...
especially when the issue involves a marriage or long term intimate relationship that involves fraud, dissipation or misappropriation of funds/assets, cruelty and other actions that would DEFINITELY be considered criminal if the partner did them to a stranger! Otherwise, one can be made to feel like or be treated like a "vindictive b" when that is not the case at all... I am coming to grips with the FACT that previously, police were notified of or in some instances, were present for instances of (legally defined) domestic violence.
In the U.S., there is a Federal "must arrest" law that takes "choice" away from the victim AND the police. Obviously, I am learning that things that can be explained away (there are no bloody bodies, broken bones or bruises) are often ignored ... and if the victim can be made to "go away", using the "it's a civil matter" argument, or telling the victim to go to a women's shelter but without making arrest ... whew!
I am learning quite a bit, including how difficult some of the things from "normal life" are with the world whirling around (dealing with stupid website issues ... this is just like my car and still wet behind the ears! Or the whole college thing - trying to remember that if I must get loans, work on SUBSIDIZED first).
Sometimes now I hope that I do figure out a way to become "independently wealthy". I am going to buy myself a sort of small house/barn combination (I want open space to work on my interests and not have to worry I'll look like a "messy housekeeper", as I do now ... books stacked all around me) ... a bit of space for gardens and some privacy, but not too much because I don't want to spend a lot of time tending stuff I don't need ... and then I want to use some of my time doing work I enjoy; I guess that would involve learning, creating, constructing.
The rest of the time I would do something along the lines of case management ... and help people (men and women) who are having difficulties in areas that I have acquired some knowledge; hopefully I can get to the point of "expertise". But I am really beginning to HATE organizations who receive a lot of money, whether through donations or tax dollars, but for the most part, shuffle those who come to their doors, seeking information, help, redress, along to other agencies ... WAY TOO MUCH of that goes on, but it really isn't something you'd know unless you ran into it and then started scratching a little deeper.
I enjoyed reading books by Barbara Ehrenreich, who gathered material for them by actually going into a new life temporarily and "finding out" what the experiences of others is likely to be. So maybe that would be part of my future plans, too.
But the "coolest" (by far) thing I discovered is that if a (state) legislative assistant whom you have contacted for help tells you he is going to call you back (and you have sent a follow up email) and then for weeks, you wait and hear nothing; calls to his office are met with "he's in a meeting", but the message and contact info is taken ... and still, no return call ... posting on the Official Facebook Page and civilly but clearly expressing displeasure and disappointment coincidentally results in finally receiving the long - promised return call! I didn't have my phone handy, but will be interested in hearing the message before I again try to make contact. Especially since I was blown off by another assistant more than a year ago and more recently, the assistant I was erroneously put in touch with via the switchboard operator, but who nonetheless took all the information, promised to get it to the right person and call back to confirm, etc.
 
Update:  I spoke with the assistant and he says the state "probably can't help with the money" (well, since the lottery money goes for the schools, maybe they can at least name a library for our "donation". But he is going to contact the AG's office (he stated) and I have done everything I could think of to let him know that the behavior is NOT acceptable or legal on the part of the nurse and I WOULD NOT be dealing with many of these side issues (plunging toward poverty takes up MUCH time filling out paperwork ... dear God it is insane!) and that a similar case in Oklahoma resulted in the nurse's license being revoked for 20 years ... I am not interested in that unless she is truly a predator who will not or cannot be helped; my goal was not to punish but to have the best outcome possible for all parties without sweeping the issue under the rug. Even now, I know there have to be psychological reasons for her behavior and that if she WERE in a healthy state of mind, she would most likely be appalled. So I will see what happens ... I cannot believe ANY of this IS happening ... it feels sort of surreal at times ...