Another day, but still better than yesterday

Let's start with that I'm on 5 hours of sleep.  Which is A LO of sleep for someone with a baby.  But I do not have a baby and I am 3 weeks 6 days out from a major surgery.  I haven't even gotten to the fun IVF part.  Its been almost 2 years to try and get my garden straight to plant anything in it.  I read the forums and everything is frikkin' abbreviated.  I haven't the faintest idea what's happening to these woman.  Either way, I'm pulling for them.  I could not get to sleep last night.  I decided not to take any Advil PM last night and that was my mistake.  I watched really bad programming (MTV) until 4:10am this morning.  I woke up at 9am, just mad at the world, but filled with a ton of energy.  I got all of the bills opened and filed.  But found a frightening letter from the IRS that says we owe money.  Then I opened another medical bill that we owe as well.  All the bills seem to come at the same time and I freaked out and called my husband.  I swear, I don't deserve this guy.  All he did was calm me down, told me to take a deep breath and relax.  I did exactly what he told me.  I'm so glad I married this man.  Whenever I felt bad about something while both of us were in college, I spoke to him.  He's was my best friend and after we met in the library of school, he's been in my life ever since.  I am so lucky to have met him.  Sometimes I'm wondering if its a balance in the universe that since I was so incredibly lucky to find the one person on the planet for me, its difficult for us to try and conceive since my reproductive system has declared a "jihad" on dreams to have a family with this man.I gotta focus on my faith.  I just found out that eating fresh pineapple could help with implantation if you have it during ovulation.Wednesday, we have an appointment with my RE to talk about donor eggs.  I felt good about making the appointment with my husband.  Now, I'm feeling a bit of panic.We're trying to be proactive, but secretly I'm hoping on one hand we don't have to use donor eggs.  I would love these children to be 100% ours.  But then, on the other hand, maybe this could be the child of my dreams.  There are a ton of things that I really don't like about myself (flat feet, strange rider teeth, short eyelashes, long hands).  If we could have a child that doesn't have those "short comings" that would be great.  I know that sounds like I want to build a designer baby.  I'm not sure what I'm feeling.  I think they're going to do some psychological testing on us too.  I hope all turns out well.