Another day and I am rested and calm for now

Good morning journal,the time is now 10:18am,I awakened at 9:25am after fourteen hours of uninterrupted sleep,deep and dreamless,I feel rested and calm for now.I retired to bed at around 7:40pm last evening,the increased dosage of quetiapine finally becoming too much to cope with,I was physically exhausted and mentally drained by the time I finally admitted defeat and tottered off to bed,falling asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow.I do regret missing huge parts of my day because of the medications I am currently taking,some of which leave me listless and with very little or no energy,until ultimately I am left with no option but to sleep.However,even after the fourteen hours sleep I have just had,although I feel rested,I also feel slightly drugged and tranquilized even after being awake for an hour.The coffee I made is beginning to kick in though,and my head is beginning to clear slightly,and,as a result,I am beginning to feel human again,all of which will be negated when I take my morning tablets.The quetiapine,also known by the name seroquel,is an anti psychotic drug which is meant to help with my voices and stabilize my moods,I also take 45mls of mirtazapine at night which is an anti depressant,and the combination of both of these medications together has the effect of making you resemble a boxer who has shipped too many punches.I also have type 2 diabetes which used to be controlled by diet and exercise,before I became ill I used to walk a beat of between fifteen and twenty miles a day in my job,now with no job my exercise levels have all but disappeared and my blood sugar count has rocketed meaning I now have to take a drug called metformin to help stabilize it.My asthma and COPD/Emphysema is controlled,supposedly,by a puff of spireva in the morning,followed by a rescue inhaler of ventolin/salbutomol during the day when required.I also take simvastatin before bed to control my cholesterol,omeprazole for my stomach,ascorbic acid for which I have no idea,seriously,vitamin b strong,again I have no idea why,and a daily aspirin because I had a TIA/mini stroke three years ago;all in all,when you consider everything,it's somewhat of a minor miracle that I'm still alive!.The final drug I take is something called spironolactone,and my wife informs me that I take it to keep my blood pressure from becoming too high because of damage incurred to my liver through years of alcohol abuse when I was a singer,in short,I'm a pharmacy on legs.The physical ailments I can deal with,it's part and parcel of getting older and I have no problem with that,it's the mental side of me,and the problems that I encounter almost on a daily basis that I find most difficult to cope with.The voices that I hear in my mind are not my own,they don't happen every day,but when they do make their presence known to me,it is disconcerting,and results in me getting confused and sometimes I struggle to keep control of my own thought patterns,and even the most simple of decisions are difficult for me.Over time I have become used to their visits and it is no longer a surprise to me when I do experience them,but after a lifetime of being a common sense realistic kind of guy,it is something that I can find no logical explanation for,but,nevertheless,it happens and it is real to me.Anyway,for now it is what it is and I have to deal with it the best way I know how and my faith helps me enormously in that respect.I pray a lot,try not to meditate too much,and try to sleep when I'm tired as the voices seem to be more in evidence when I am,tired I mean.I get periods in my day when I don't remember what I've done or said at times,then I will,"wake up",and become lucid again,where I go when these memory gaps occur I don't know,I only know they happen and that is a worry I must admit.So I trust in my wife,my doctor and my mental health team,and pray that,in time,I will get a little bit of the old me back,I used to be a pretty nice guy,I still can be on my better days,and despite everything else in my life today,I still have my faith in a loving and protective Creator and I trust in Him implicitly,I always have,and He has never let me down.Well journal,enough of my ramblings for now,it is time to sally forth unto the day ahead,so until the next time,peace and God walk with us.