Another day, alone.

I'm beginning to think I'll forget the difference between answering the door in a bathrobe versus dressed like a normal person. Again today, I met the plumber, even chatted with him for awhile, in a bathrobe. I pretend like everyone dresses this way -- hoping they won't notice a lonely, depressed woman looks this way -- and they look like a perfectly normal person of the everyday working America.
What's sad is when they leave, I am relieved. I can forget the "pretense." I can close the door and go back to bed, return to watching TV, or resume whatever other extremely important thing I was doing. So sad.
I have no motivation. It seems so much easier to hide. I lack a cheerleader. And I've given it much thought. I was raised in this state, left after college, and lived in several states after that. I returned in 2012. My older parents and niece were ill. I was the only one responsible to care for them. It was the right move and correct thing to do; however, I never realized that after living in so many places throughout my life, I would return to my home state, I would end up alone and without family or friends. Last thing I imagined.
But, that's the reality. It's hard to see myself in that manner. I'm usually so friendly. I actually love people. I enjoy helping others. So, what happened?