Another day

so here it is another day has gone and another night is here...and I am trying to be ok to sleep to ask god for help and to not lie to not hurt and to not think about what I have done to the ones who mean the most to me.  I got some great words of wisdom from an individual on here and they don't know me from the next person on the street..it's what makes this world glorious to be in despite all the bad that no matter what people can be pure of heart especially if you understand what they are going through.  So thank you...I have held it together at work then cried and cried when I get home.  I talked to a friend tonight in depth about what I have done and it felt good but also made me realize how stupid, silly, foolish, and scared.  I need to let that go I need to be able to know I am good enough and that people like me for me when I'm being honest and truthful and caring.  I read many texts tonight between me and friends and my ex and while there was anger hurt and pain there was caring and love and true emotions.  I do not need to relive what I did or was said but I do need to recognize nothing about this is easy for anyone and as selfish as I want to be and say poor me I can not as this is on me.  I have not lied forn 3 days now and I have been miserable but I have not lied...and I believe in the end true love exists and friends will forgive.  I may be holding on to some fantasies but what is life with out hope?  That's of for tonight...let's try and sleep..