Another day

    Well, I've only been on the computer the last week and it's a little boring, and at times frustrating. I'm not all that computer savvy, but I am learning a lot, I guess. Sometimes I get into stuff and then don't know how to get out. Then I have to spend sometimes hours trying to figure out what to do. I guess it's part of the process.

   I haven't been going out much either. I live in a transition house right now, and it's big enough to just stay in and do nothing. I don't know if this is just because I'm here or what, but it does make me wonder what the hell I'm doing. I really don't want my life to be this way.

   Most of the other times I started getting sober I was fairly outgoing, and at times it was like you couldn't stop my feet from moving, but now I'm not doing anything. Sometimes I think it's because I don't have family or friends, and I just get tired of trying so many different things to change. It gets frustrating and I give up at some point.

   My slump could also be because of the weather. When it's cold, cloudy and dreary out, I really don't feel like going out. Especially doing things all the time by myself. I don't seem to make friends easily. Right now I have my sponsor, but that's about it. I know people at meetings, but that doesn't seem like friends. Just acquaintances. Maybe it will come in time.

    I think I'm starting to get back some of the weight I lost while in the hospital. Thank God. In the mirror, my body looked almost emaciated to me. All the muscle I gained from going to the gym just disappeared. My back still hurts some, and my arms haven't fully recovered. Still some pain in both, but the right is worse. Can't lift it right up on its own yet, but I think it's coming along.

    I haven't even started my fourth step inventory yet. George gave it to me a week ago, and I keep telling myself to do it, but it really seems like the last thing I want to start. I am going to do some today. I see George tomorrow and I don't want to go with nothing done.

    Anyway, I've got to do something. Thank you, Lord, for another day sober.