Another confusing encounter
After driving to Boston in a blizzard, and missing my Tuesday with my son, my ex agreed I could take him to dinner on Friday. Then, she remembered she had a dentist appointment on Friday, and I was going to be pressed for time as I was in my playoffs for pool on Friday, so we switched to Thursday and she wanted to come with him.
I got there to pick them up, and she was trying to shovel the end of the driveway where the plow had left a mess. She said she hurt her back and can't handle the snowblower, so I offered to clear it for her. It only took a minute or two.
We went to Ruby Tuesday at the mall and had a pleasant meal, which she insisted on paying for. I almost always pay, so that was unusual. Then, she wanted to get my son a hair cut. We walked over to Mastercuts. While my son was getting his haircut, I sat in a chair in the waiting area while my ex walked around browsing product. Then, unexpectedly, she came over and sat next to me and leaned her head over on my shoulder. She took my hand and held it for a little while. It felt really good.
His haircut was finished, and I offered to pay, but again she insisted on paying. Then, we went shopping briefly at Target and I took them home.
It was really nice to see my son off-schedule. I miss him all the time. It was also really nice to experience something - affection of a sort - from my ex, though I felt empty and aching afterword.
I've been becoming much more comfortable with myself and being alone. I feel less intensity to find someone or even date again. I've been doing okay the past week or so, but this encounter set me back a bit. I do miss her dearly, and part of me still craves any scrap of affection I can get from her. Still, I'm more objective now and I know I'm better off without her. Her heart belongs to another. That doesn't mean I don't miss her though.
Yet, it was more of a melancholy than the angst I've felt all last year as I tried like crazy to be perfect, fix myself for her, walk on eggshells, and do anything for her. This encounter was pleasant in a sad way, and not nearly as intense. I hope that's progress.
She also let me take him Sunday all day while she went to visit her step-father and an old friend (the brother of her new guy). My son and I went shopping, then watched the first two X-Men movies. It was nice.
I got there to pick them up, and she was trying to shovel the end of the driveway where the plow had left a mess. She said she hurt her back and can't handle the snowblower, so I offered to clear it for her. It only took a minute or two.
We went to Ruby Tuesday at the mall and had a pleasant meal, which she insisted on paying for. I almost always pay, so that was unusual. Then, she wanted to get my son a hair cut. We walked over to Mastercuts. While my son was getting his haircut, I sat in a chair in the waiting area while my ex walked around browsing product. Then, unexpectedly, she came over and sat next to me and leaned her head over on my shoulder. She took my hand and held it for a little while. It felt really good.
His haircut was finished, and I offered to pay, but again she insisted on paying. Then, we went shopping briefly at Target and I took them home.
It was really nice to see my son off-schedule. I miss him all the time. It was also really nice to experience something - affection of a sort - from my ex, though I felt empty and aching afterword.
I've been becoming much more comfortable with myself and being alone. I feel less intensity to find someone or even date again. I've been doing okay the past week or so, but this encounter set me back a bit. I do miss her dearly, and part of me still craves any scrap of affection I can get from her. Still, I'm more objective now and I know I'm better off without her. Her heart belongs to another. That doesn't mean I don't miss her though.
Yet, it was more of a melancholy than the angst I've felt all last year as I tried like crazy to be perfect, fix myself for her, walk on eggshells, and do anything for her. This encounter was pleasant in a sad way, and not nearly as intense. I hope that's progress.
She also let me take him Sunday all day while she went to visit her step-father and an old friend (the brother of her new guy). My son and I went shopping, then watched the first two X-Men movies. It was nice.
Replies
It\'s definitely progress...it\'s a slow road and doesn\'t just happen like a light switch, it takes a long time..a year for me next month. Happy you are enjoying your times with your son. Just a small word of caution though, physical contact will set you back a bit as you experienced. Early on I hugged my ex several times when we saw each other and when she left but I stopped doing that. And it was difficult but really necessary. I get how it\'s nice but it really did mess me up. Just be careful. Eventually I may be able to again as we do have kids together and I will always care about her but I did learn to keep it verbal for now ...just my two cents, it\'s really about protecting yourself now. Take care.