Another Breakdown

This generally happens at this time of year.  I'm in a severe depression.  I feel terrible.  I'm sad, paranoid, scared, etc. I've had so many traumatic things happen in my life I'm afraid of the future.  I feel like a big dark shadow is folowing me all the time. A few days ago I spoke to God and asked if I would help if I said I was sorry.  I never stopped believing God, I just wasn't sure what he was.  Eventualy I will probably start attending church. I just want to feel better.