Another Breakdown

Today I stopped at the commissary to get some groceries. I got to the produce section and picked up a lemon...and out of no where I could hear my Jarrett's voice "Mommy can we buy some lemons to make lemonade?"  He never failed to ask me for lemons when we went to buy groceries...I felt a breakdown coming on right there and then...I headed straight for the self checkout  (even though I hadn't finished shopping) paid for my stuff and headed off the base as fast as I could..I couldn't control the sobbing by then..So I pulled over at a nearby friends house but there was no one there..Jarrett's school was just half a block away so I parked in the parking lot..ran out of my car to My old waiting spot and wept until I was done and In control enough to drive the rest of the way back to the apartment. This is so hard!!! Most days I just want to give up, I cant stand living without my baby boy....Then I look at Jonny and the reality sets in that I'm still needed here...I hate this whole situation...