Another blankness of mind,that can be weird

Good morning journal,the time is now 10:01am and I have been awake for roughly an hour or so.My wife and I retired to bed last evening about 11:00pm after a very pleasant day spent in each others company,I was concerned that for most of the day,she had been suffering from very bad stomach pains,but they seem to be a little better this morning.It may sound wacky,but when my wife hurts in any way,physically,mentally,I hurt too,it has always been like that ever since we first met,and I know that when I feel bad it is just the same for her,she hurts for me and shares my pain whatever it might be.Call it a bond or whatever,it is simply something that happens between us and it makes me feel a little saddened that whenever I am having difficulties mentally,she knows it and suffers with me,I never really thought of that before,perhaps that is one of the reasons I tried to hide it so much in the past.This morning,my mind is a blank canvas,and,as anyone who regularly puts themselves through the masochistic pleasure of reading my journal whenever I feel moved to post my thoughts,that can sometimes lead to weird and wacky revelations from the diatribe of drivel that I have stored in the corridors of my mind.It is on mornings such as this that my fingers seem to take on a life of their own almost,and the subjects covered in my posts can veer off at tangents,one comment leading to something else entirely unconnected to whatever I started to write about in the first place,sometimes it works and at other times it is complete rubbish,but it's fun,and just sometimes when I'm done,it makes sense,well it does to me at any rate.I can say that this morning,thus far,I am in a state of uneasy peace having slept for the most part deeply and dreamless,I say uneasy peace because sometimes I get the feeling that yes I feel okay,but I'm waiting for something to happen,I don't know what,but it's enough to make me feel uneasy,no,I don't understand it either,but then again with my brain nothing is out of the question.The sun is high in a sky of pale blue this morning and there is just the slightest breeze,the day smells clean,unpolluted and pure,it is mornings such as this that make me think back to my childhood,yes my memory can go back that far,it's things that happened ten minutes ago that I sometimes have trouble remembering.I remember glorious days in the summer when school was on vacation,my younger brother and myself would head off into the hills around our home,and after a day fighting dragons and evil warlords,we would return home exhausted but victorious from our various make believe battles.It has always been a source of some sadness on my part that I wasn't blessed with a sister or another brother,my father drowned in 1959 when I was four years old,so there was only my kid brother and me.We grew up happily together and were very close,as sometimes happens when there are only two siblings,but I had four younger female cousins who became,and still are today,the sisters I never had.Sadly,I only hear from my brother occasionally today,lifestyles,and distance dictating our individual pathways in life though I still have the same love and protective nature towards him today as I had all those years ago.Like me,my brother is deaf,which makes our conversations by telephone both funny and infuriating to watch,our conversations are interspersed with words like"what?",or "speak up,I can't hear",much to the amusement of anyone looking on,so today,my brother e-mails my wife who then tells me what he has said,then she e-mails our reply,it works for us.Unlike me.my brother's deafness is more or less due to age,his hearing growing worse over the years,while my deafness was the result of an accident,and so was sudden and had an immediate impact,because I was an entertainer,I developed the art of lip reading,my brother does not have that particular weapon in his armory,so has been at a disadvantage as his hearing grew steadily worse over time.He is of the opinion that people usually talk absolute crap most of the time so it saves him listening to it,he's a straight shooting kind of guy my brother and if you don't know him personally,he can come across as abrasive and rude sometimes,but I love him anyway,despite his shortcomings.The last time I spoke to him,or rather e-mailed him,he commented on the fact that we were orphans,I had to gently remind him that we were both in our middle fifties and the word orphan didn't really seem to apply to us somehow,his reply?,"may be so,but we're still orphans",that's my brother,if he can find a reason that enables him to be angry at the world,he'll milk it for all it's worth,it makes him feel he's triumphing over adversity so who am I to urinate on his parade?. My brother never married and he lives alone in the same little village in Scotland where we both grew up,he spends his time betting on the ponies or locking himself away whenever there's sport on television,with a copious amount of liquid refreshments to hand of course.Well journal,I really don't know how we got onto the subject of my little brother today,may be it's because I haven't seen him in many years and I realize that time is marching on,perhaps my wife and I should try,when finances permit,to go up to Scotland and visit with him before it's too late,it would be an unforgettable experience for my wife,A)she has never been to Scotland,and b)she has never met my brother,and that dubious pleasure alone is reason enough to carry an extra supply of tranquilizers in one's pocket.I,on the other hand,grew up with him and am immune,for the most part,to his obvious cantankerous nature and his pessimistic and undisguised disdain of the world in general,I simply accept him for who he is,my little brother,warts and all.Anyway,the day awaits me and I can tarry no longer here,so,until next time journal,peace and the love of God go with us.