another birthday withiout Ed
Today is my second birthday without Ed. I am very sad & have been for a couple of days. Last night I dreamt that Eddie was a little boy, maybe 9 or so & that he was going to a foster home ?!?? That I was his temporary foster parent and he was going to a new foster home. (In my work I deal with foster parents a lot so maybe this is part of the reason for the dream, weird). Anyway in the dream he was leaving to go to the new foster home and I was giving him gifts and gifts and gifts. Plaques with loving sayings, pajamas, warm clothes and a teddy bear. As he left I was sobbing and sobbing but Eddie was OK. I woke up crying.
I find birthdays - this is the second with Eddie gone to Heaven, very hard. I miss him & I guess I have a bit of survivor guilt. Why have I been blessed with so many years and he wasn't? I don't have answers. Only questions.
I am grateful for what I do have. My adopted daughter Donna invited me over after work for cake & I have a feeling in addition to her family that my grandchildren will be there. But my birthday feels wrong without Ed. No matter what we did on my birthday and on Mother's day, Ed would take me for coffee so we would really have a chance to chat & catch up - just the 2 of us. He had done that for years for me. This longing really never ends does it?
Miss you Eddie. I will love you forever and will have this hole in my heart always until I see you again. I know you are safe in God's care and that is a blessing. xoxo mom
Heavenly Father, please give me strength and grace to get through today. In Jesus Name. Amen.
I find birthdays - this is the second with Eddie gone to Heaven, very hard. I miss him & I guess I have a bit of survivor guilt. Why have I been blessed with so many years and he wasn't? I don't have answers. Only questions.
I am grateful for what I do have. My adopted daughter Donna invited me over after work for cake & I have a feeling in addition to her family that my grandchildren will be there. But my birthday feels wrong without Ed. No matter what we did on my birthday and on Mother's day, Ed would take me for coffee so we would really have a chance to chat & catch up - just the 2 of us. He had done that for years for me. This longing really never ends does it?
Miss you Eddie. I will love you forever and will have this hole in my heart always until I see you again. I know you are safe in God's care and that is a blessing. xoxo mom
Heavenly Father, please give me strength and grace to get through today. In Jesus Name. Amen.
Replies
Oh Linda, some of what used to be our happiest days are now the hardest. The dream was sad because you were having to let go of Eddie, something so hard to do. I hope that you are able to have a good time at Donna\'s and enjoy your birthday cake. Try to let the good memories of you & Eddie out for coffee on your birthday, bring you some peace & comfort today. Happy Birthday my friend, and I too am praying for you for strength and comfort through the day. Love, Kim
Linda,
Take lots of deep breaths and know that I will be holding you most of this day. One of my old bosses had a son, DIL, and grandchildren killed in a terrible car accident. When I went to the funeral she was radiant. I said something about how she has been holding up well. She said \"Well, God only lends us his children and we should be thankful for however long he lets us have them.\" She said her Godmother taught her that. Those words helped me so much after losing Josh. Maybe \"we are the foster parents?\" Leda
Peaceful wishes to you this special day Linda.
As i read your words, they brought me straight to metaphors in my heart ... that this earthly journey was his \"temporary\" home ... and beautiful You showered your beloved Eddie wtih \"gifts and gifts and gifts\". What a blessing You were to him. Much love to you Linda. De
Yes, I agree with Leda..............we are here to take care of our children, and then they go with God, where there is nothing but peace and love all around. Somehow it is comforting for me to believe that--however hard it is sometimes. Like you, I also have wondered so often why I am given so many years (70), and my Erik only had 43. I would have given him some of my years in a heartbeat, if I could have. I also know everything seems so out of sync on birthdays and other holidays, aside from the fact that I miss him all the time, and I know, and am getting to accept, that I will always be sad--that\'s just going to be part of life from now on. So, I am wishing you as happy a birthday as you can have, and may you find some added comfort and peace in the year to come. Margery Ann
Hope your special day has some joy in it. There are others who need your love. I wish you a very special birthday, and Eddy would too. love ya, abby
Linda, birth is such a miracle... I give thanks today for YOU and the miracle of your birth. I\'m so sorry that your wonderful sweet Eddie isn\'t here to have that heart-to-heart coffee and chat with you, but please know that you are very loved by many people. Feel a ray of sun or look up into the sky tonight (I think the stars might even be out, for the first time in weeks!) and know that Eddie is always with you. Feel a hug, from me. Let\'s get together soon, \'k?
xoxoxo Sarah
Happy Birthday, dear... mine was just last week and how empty it was. he card my Daniel gave me is priceless and his hug was even better, but nothing can fill my empty heart...I do wish all birhtday would just go away..Nora
I know you must miss your special time with Ed on your birthday, I\'m so sorry this has happened. Sending you love, Terry
Sending you love my friend and yes birthday are so hard as is every special day. I send you peace my friend
Dearest Linda E, your birthday is the day before Jon\'s (5/25/65). I\'m gearing up for that one tomorrow. Oh, how we miss them especially on special days. We both had only children and the bonds are so very strong. I think you\'re dream makes some sense though. We have our children for just awhile and Eddie and Jon are not in the pain we are. That\'s a kind of blessing. I\'m with you, friend, Linda J.
Happy Birthday dear Linda and yes, I do understand what you are expressing. I hope that you are feeling loved and supported. A visit from Eddie for your birthday... wow! Lately, the symbolism and meaning behind the dreams/visits the moms have been having is such grace. Happy Birthday dear one. Lots of love. XO Joanie
Happy Birthday Linda, altho I know how hard this day is for you, missing your dear Eddie. Yes, you will always love Eddie forever, and he will always be a part of you...In years to come what happened to me, was that --\"hole in my heart\" --became more and more FILLED with the certainty of knowledge that they are with God AND with me, too. For them, it IS possible to \"be two places at one time.\" Love+Hugs, Donna
I agree that the dream is a beautiful metaphor. Our children are given (on loan, if you will) to us for a brief time to cherish, nurture, love and embrace. We learn from them and they learn from us. Wow ~ you have positively LOADED Eddie with gifts as he moves to his new heavenly home.
Your birthday gift this year, sweet Linda, is being reminded that Eddie is ever with you and that you will never be separated, though he\'s living in a different home.
Sending much love and big birthday hugs ~ Debbie
We know they good lives, lives not measured by the time that passed, but by the usage they made of their time. Our boys were noble men, good husbands and fathers and friend, sons and lovers, as the book says. We will always miss their presence in our lives, but we will always hold them in our hearts.
I like what Debbie said...they are on loan...but still we don\'t know why we are here and why some live long and some don\'t....I am at a loss, as well...so all I can say it we are in this together and I hope that you will feel better soon and remember those \"dates\" with your wonderful son. Love..dale, brandon\'s mom