another birthday withiout Ed

Today is my second birthday without Ed. I am very sad & have been for a couple of days. Last night I dreamt that Eddie was a little boy, maybe 9 or so & that he was going to a foster home ?!?? That I was his temporary foster parent and he was going to a new foster home. (In my work I deal with foster parents a lot so maybe this is part of the reason for the dream, weird). Anyway in the dream he was leaving to go to the new foster home and I was giving him gifts and gifts and gifts. Plaques with loving sayings, pajamas, warm clothes and a teddy bear. As he left I was sobbing and sobbing but Eddie was OK.  I woke up crying.
I find birthdays - this is the second with Eddie gone to Heaven, very hard. I miss him & I guess I have a bit of survivor guilt. Why have I been blessed with so many years and he wasn't? I don't have answers. Only questions.
I am grateful for what I do have. My adopted daughter Donna invited me over after work for cake & I have a feeling in addition to her family that my grandchildren will be there. But my birthday feels wrong without Ed. No matter what we did on my birthday and on Mother's day, Ed would take me for coffee so we would really have a chance to chat & catch up - just the 2 of us. He had done that for years for me. This longing really never ends does it?
Miss you Eddie. I will love you forever and will have this hole in my heart always until I see you again. I know you are safe in God's care and that is a blessing. xoxo mom
Heavenly Father, please give me strength and grace to get through today. In Jesus Name. Amen.