Another birthday missed
Well today is my daughters 24th birthday. It's the 2nd since the estrangement began. I hadn't written her a note since November. I had decided to just spend the time reflecting on how I could continue on with my life, and not live in continual grief, sadness and shame. I went to pick out a card. Usually I like to find a humorous card, but this situation just doesn't seem all that humorous. I just bought a card that said how much she was loved. I wrote in that card that I have always loved her, and will continue to love her very much no matter what. Love, Mom. That's it. No telling her how much I miss her, or asking her to please call me, or to send a picture of my grandchildren, and no more money. She has her own journey. I wish I could see her. I wish I could see my grandchildren, but my heart can't take anymore nastiness or unkindness or rejection. I will love her no matter what. I have told the bill collectors that I don't know where she is, and not to call me anymore so that has gotten better. I am not going to worry about that either. I wanted so much for her. This is the life she's chosen, and she has the right to live it, whether I like it that way or not. I don't like it.
Replies
Birthdays and holidays are the hardest days to get through. It\'s nice that you sent her a card just to let her know you love her and to keep the lines of communication open. You\'re right..she has to live the life she\'s chosen and all you can do is take care of you and keep the hope that she will one day want to see you again. Take care....Love and Hugs...Pam
Thank you Pam. I appreciate all your support. Your the best. Nancy
Dear Nancy, I know how tough it is, I have missed birthdays too. The odd thing is my son came back into my life and I really thought things were working out, but I have not seen him or my granddaughter since Dec. 20th. I have a suspicion they are pulling away again and of course it hurts. I am almost afraid to make a call, because I fear the rejection of no return call. To be honest with you, I have called once and left a message, he has not replied. So, thinking of your words... I am also unsure if I can take this anymore. I just need to let it go.
Take care and I hope you can think of the happier times with your daughter. That\'s how I try to remember my son. Take care of you... it\'s true. We need to do that.
Love,
Judy
Dear beatie,
I have added you as friend. Listen, my daughter is 28, with 3 children. She has been gone, and I mean GONE, for 6 years. I know nothing of my grandchildren. It\'s like being crucified 3 times.
I tried visiting her at her office after about 2 years, she wouldn\'t even come to the lobby to see her own mother. I wrote her a Christmas card--she wrote on it (in her handwriting that I know so well), Refused, Return to Sender. A CHRISTMAS card! Like you, i only wrote in it--Miss you, love you, have a Merry C, etc. Didn\'t ASK (GOD forbid) for anything! I did NOT send money, however.
I have called a FEW times only--and left messages like, Thinking about you--wish we could talk--blah, blah, blah. NOTHING.
If they can be this cruel, we need to REFLECT on this. This kind of rejection is lethal to loving mothers. It kills us, while evidently giving them some kind of sick thrill. What\'s the deal?
I am just so glad so many of us seem to have found each other--I cannot believe how rampant this seems to be. We weren\'t drug moms, we worked, paid our bills, sent them to school, fed and clothed them (brand names only!)--what is going on?
That\'s why some people don\'t believe us when we say we didn\'t have a clue and that we don\'t know WHY. I hate that word.
Why, Why, Why, Why.
Please message me if you like, I am working on my journal, and I\'m new too. I just have been gone during the days because my mom (HER grandmother) is in a nursing home, is dying, and she could care less.
Send cards if you like--just be ready for the outcome to be disappointing and each time just ask yourself can you take it if it doesn\'t produce the result or contact that you pray for.
It hurts real bad to even send a card, and get ZERO response. Other people don\'t understand that sometimes--they just casually tell you to send them--but it HURTS! That\'s what I have learned--I\'m not strong enough to take the coldness anymore. It\'s your decision--just don\'t feel pressured to do anything if think you can\'t handle it.
Hope this helps.