Another birthday (and rambling) journal
I have survived another birthday. I thought about the birthdays past. I remember the year that I drove 2o miles during a blizzard to pick up Lisa's friends for the party. We had just moved and Lisa wanted her friends from Lacombe at the party. Amazingly, all the moms trusted their kids with me!
Another birthday, she wanted her dance class at the party. We went to a pizza restaurant. I didn't realize how much adolescent girls ate after a dance class!
I recently found a photo of Lisa and Ramona at their party - they were 5 years old.
The memories make me smile but then I am reminded that she is not here - no more new memories.
I spent a relatively peaceful day. I burned a candle and meditated for awhile. We went for a long walk before lunch - our weather has been beautiiful. We had lunch and I read for awhile and fell asleep. The phone woke me up - it was Cevyn so I was not upset. She is doing okay but I am still uneasy. This evening, we walked downtown with our friends for a drink and munchies. They are very caring and understanding and importantly, knew Lisa. I can talk about Lisa and they are not uncomfortable.
This has been a very unusual winter and spring. The weather has been unusually warm and dry. Calgary is surrounded by farms and ranches - we need rain. I tend to get depressed during the winter and spring - this year was no exception. Joe still finds it very hard to see me down. I know that I will feel better but I know it hurts him to see me sad.
It feels like summer though I am still waiting for a blizzard - it is not uncommon to have a dump of snow in May and even June! In the meantime we will enjoy the warm weather.
We had a lovely time in Portugal. We hiked along the coast in the Algarve and then rented a car for a week to explore inland and the more remote coast areas. What a beautiful place. The last 3 days were in Lisbon - we were there on our honeymoon but I remember very little as I was sick.
Andrew is doing well. The video game he has been writing is done and it has gotten good reviews. He is still hoping to get a job writing for TV or screen. He has another trip to LA planned next week. His agent is optimistic. I have mixed feelings, especially if he has to move there!
So that is my life for now. I wish love and peace to all the moms who are missing their beloved children.
Lisa: I know you moved the painting that you started and Nancy finsished. How is it that it was the only picture on the wall that was THAT crooked? I know that Nancy celebrates her birthday with a tinge of sadness. You are not there to share her birthday. You also spent an awful lot of time singing to us as Dad and I walked. I love when you visit as noisy birds, especially when you sing so beautifully. I miss you always and love you forever, Mummy
Another birthday, she wanted her dance class at the party. We went to a pizza restaurant. I didn't realize how much adolescent girls ate after a dance class!
I recently found a photo of Lisa and Ramona at their party - they were 5 years old.
The memories make me smile but then I am reminded that she is not here - no more new memories.
I spent a relatively peaceful day. I burned a candle and meditated for awhile. We went for a long walk before lunch - our weather has been beautiiful. We had lunch and I read for awhile and fell asleep. The phone woke me up - it was Cevyn so I was not upset. She is doing okay but I am still uneasy. This evening, we walked downtown with our friends for a drink and munchies. They are very caring and understanding and importantly, knew Lisa. I can talk about Lisa and they are not uncomfortable.
This has been a very unusual winter and spring. The weather has been unusually warm and dry. Calgary is surrounded by farms and ranches - we need rain. I tend to get depressed during the winter and spring - this year was no exception. Joe still finds it very hard to see me down. I know that I will feel better but I know it hurts him to see me sad.
It feels like summer though I am still waiting for a blizzard - it is not uncommon to have a dump of snow in May and even June! In the meantime we will enjoy the warm weather.
We had a lovely time in Portugal. We hiked along the coast in the Algarve and then rented a car for a week to explore inland and the more remote coast areas. What a beautiful place. The last 3 days were in Lisbon - we were there on our honeymoon but I remember very little as I was sick.
Andrew is doing well. The video game he has been writing is done and it has gotten good reviews. He is still hoping to get a job writing for TV or screen. He has another trip to LA planned next week. His agent is optimistic. I have mixed feelings, especially if he has to move there!
So that is my life for now. I wish love and peace to all the moms who are missing their beloved children.
Lisa: I know you moved the painting that you started and Nancy finsished. How is it that it was the only picture on the wall that was THAT crooked? I know that Nancy celebrates her birthday with a tinge of sadness. You are not there to share her birthday. You also spent an awful lot of time singing to us as Dad and I walked. I love when you visit as noisy birds, especially when you sing so beautifully. I miss you always and love you forever, Mummy
Replies
I know how the memories bring smiles but tears as well as they are all we have now. Sounds like your day unfolded as gently as it could. I\'m happy that Cevyn seems to be doing well and I\'m sure it will be difficult but what a great opportunity for Andrew. Just another opportunity for you to visit the good ol USA:) Love and peace to you sweet friend. Robin
Such wonderful memories of birthdays past and I have no doubt Lisa moved that picture. Douglas moves a turkey feather that we have by his picture and it takes my breath away at times to see the positions it is in. I have no doubt our children are always trying to connect, get our attention and let us know they are close by.
Life moves on and I wish the very best for Andrew and Cevyn too.
Sending peace to land softly in that beautiful heart of yours and much love on this day that your life was forever changed with the birth of your Lisa.
Gentle (((hugs))) of care,
XO Joanie
LA is the place to LIVE woman!! Missing Lisa right there with you!
These days are always tender and sad but so grateful that I have so many memories of our precious son and I am sure you feel the same way about your precious Lisa. I am hoping the love coming right back to you from us moms. Now for a walk with the dogs....
It always feels good to walk doesn\'t it? I don\'t walk as often as I should but when I do, I can think, talk to myself and breathe. Those birthdays just seem to fly by...what on earth happened? I remember my 20\'s, 30\'s, 40\'s, but after that, I try to forget.....LOL
Sending hugs to you today, Lisa\'s mom!
Gentle hugs on your precious girl\'s earth birthday. Love, Linda
Such precious memories! Gentle hug to you, my friend. xxx
I have changed the meaning of my children\'s birthday, it is for me to celebrate. I survived the pregnancy, birth, toddling years teenage years (those were monsters the teen years). For my daughter I go out and buy ME a dress or something good looking, she was the worst teen.
I guess this is my survival mode with Mike in heaven and Alyssa still being a hellion on earth. LOL
Happy Birthday Lisa
Tight hugs miss M
Penny
Smiles with tears...hugging you tight my friend,
A sweet smile and a tear as I read your journal.
Hugging your momma heart...
Here is another journal update I did not receive any email notification for -- the only way I saw this was you posting to my journal update -- I sure hope the switch to the new servers fixes this issue. Happy Birthday Marlene!! -- late that this is -- given with lots of love. Yes, the new roof and gutters are part of the \'saving a life\' campaign I have been on here. LOL The roofer was going out of his way to cut corners and I finally put my foot down and put a stop to it. Why is it that being an older female coping with a disabling illness makes people inflict harm/exploitation in extreme ways -- and without any issue in doing so whatsoever? I don\'t get it. I live on $1,000.00 per month widows benefits and have to guard my retirement savings with my life but the effort others put into exploiting me for all they can -- even to the place of great harm, I just do not get it. I guess they see me alone on my own here and figure no one is looking to protect me so I get treated this way - just can\'t survive it well is all. Keeping you in my thoughts. :-) ...sure glad we have had DS to manage some of what we go through -- what a great group of pals we are.