Another birthday
I miss Lisa's birthdays when she was here and I could talk to her, hear her voice and infectious laugh, give her hugs and tell her what a phenomenal woman she was. This journey really doesn't get a whole lot easier.
Cevyn facebooked photos of the twins' first visit to the sugar bush. That was a trip we made almost every April, and ate pancakes with fresh maple syrup (the real stuff, not Aunt Jemima's) and sausages. It was the real beginning of spring for us. Often it was Lisa's birthday and/or Easter so it really was special.
So I cried. I think losing a child is more than missing the person. It is losing the celebrations and traditions. I so looked forward to visiting Ottawa when spring was beginning to spring.
I still have this empty feeling that part of me is missing. I still think 'Lisa' when the phone rings. We talked every day. Phone calls are mostly telemarketers.
Today, the birds are singing as they build their nests and begin their new families. Lisa is among them and if I ignore her, the singing gets louder! Lisa, who will not be ignored. I miss her always and love her forever.
Replies
I'm with you in deeply understanding your longing and missing of your most wonderful daughter, Lisa! How special that you spoke with her every day and I know how much you MISS those heartfelt connections.
I told you of the mockingbirds that we have here on the island that we didn't have in Utah. I've been hearing them first thing in the early morning and late at night too. I always say hello to Lisa because I even researched the mockingbird and they can have up to one hundred or more different songs. It feels as if she has much to say, doesn't it?! :)
Yes, losing the celebrations and traditions are such a part of this path and it is always deeply felt. When I watched my sister and her son have the mother/son dance at his wedding years ago it took everything I had to not lose it right on the spot. I was happy for them, yet SO very sad for me that this was something I would never get to do with my Douglas. Oh, how I understand dearest Marlene.
Loving care to Lisa's mum from us and thank you for sharing how you are feeling because always in each journal I read from our soth I feel that I too could have scripted much of it.
Hand in hand, Heart to heart,
XO Joanie
My young son, is now in a lot of trouble. It seems so unfair to me. Enough sadness without Jacob, and now, Will in trouble. I am of no use whatsoever! It’s appalling. My later years are turning into negative, anxious, and bitter emotions. Something I never wanted, nor espected to deal with. For some problems there are no solutions? Can that be true?
Black people always knew how unjust life is. Now, it’s my turn. My only hope lies in prayer. And I hope to write, soon, than the world has turned towards justice.
Marlene, I'm so with you. The traditions so make us who they are and not to have Lisa physically with you for your spring tradition, so close to her birthday, hurts so much! I understand.
The empty feeling...I just talked about the emptiness this morning. A friend was asking. She's so kind. She was trying to understand. Thank goodness she doesn't understand & I hope she never has to. My grief counselor told me several years ago that part of the pain for moms is that when our child passes, we may feel like our future did too. She said my grandchildren would heal from their dad passing "easier" because they still have their future ahead of them, careers, children etc. Now that Josh & Christina have little ones, I can see that she is exactly right. They are making new memories & traditions with their kids. I'm grateful for this but I can see what she meant. Often my future feels empty & I have to struggle to see the meaning in my future. So much has changed for us. Even the celebrations and traditions that defined us.
Enjoy the birds' songs. I love what you said, "Lisa, who will not be ignored." Clearly she wants to connect with you as much as you want to connect with her.
Love to you and your wonderful daughter, Linda
Go ahead and cry. You, we, will always miss our children and miss the times we shared. Be kind to yourself and enjoy the sights and sounds of spring.
Shouting out, LISA.
Marlene. I, too, feel the same way. Yesterday Jeff's youngest daughter had her high school graduation party. I am so happy for her but just want my son to be here celebrating all these accomplishments of his two daughters.
That was so special that you talked with your Lisa every day. I know that is hard. Cry all you want to. I cried on the way home after Haley's party yesterday. My husband kept trying to ask what was wrong.
Enjoy the birds and I guess we will miss our children till we take our last breath.
Love to you and your precious Lisa...Nell
So, so true my friend. We miss SO much....the past traditions shared and the new adventures never to be....
Sending lots of love your way!
(((LISA)))
Sending you some peace today, Marlene. The joys of the past are such wonderful memories to think of since we cannot have more.
Hoping you are holding the babies soon. Hugs, Kathy
Missing the phone calls......that is so painful. Never to hear their voices again is like a knife to your heart... Oh, I understand so well. I don't feel that I have any future to look forward to anymore. If it were not for the telemarketers, my phone would seldom ring.
I always look for bluebirds, my husband sends me or red cardnals from Dean. I am happy for you that Lisa will not be ignored!! Put a smile on my face.. Twin babies to love, oh my!!!
((((HUGS)))), Julia