Another better day, so far at any rate... fingers crossed

Firstly let me apologize for not writing yesterday I was just a tad emotional and not in the mood for writing.Yesterday I did manage to catch up with a few work ex-colleagues and go out for a couple of drinks, as a belated farewell to me. I was absolutely dreading it, as I know I would be somewhat emotional, not to mention not very confident about being out in the real world. As it turns out it was OK, and of course I got to chatting about me and my emotional state, and was offered some good advice, but I'm also getting sick of going around and around with myself on the un-happy merry go round type of rollercoster, and I also don't want to bore and burden others with my pain.The worst thing seems to be the friendships I've lost or imagined I've lost, the thought of being alone, is frightening. Often than not when a marriage breaks down, friends of both parties tend to be piggy in the middle, I'm not so sure that these friends have taken sides, I'm sure it must be difficult for them, but I feel at a loss at how to even make new friends, let alone keep the ones I had.  I've been reading and watching stuff on-line about grief and how to cope, some of it helps, but like I explained to my work chums, that in itself can be counter productive for my own personal journey, sometimes it helps to put ones own issues in the background and see them from a third perspective, or do other activities that one enjoys. But its still difficult, today I still took ages to get out of bed, and when I did I felt somewhat anxious.  The web, that helps - if you are reading this 'hurtingbadly' thanks for reminding me of Radio Paradise, I'm listening to it now as I write, and I forgot about it wow used to listen to it quite often back when things were going good in my life, it was a reminder that things can still be good, thanks mate!  I also got an mail about doing CBT at a local FRIEND, an organisation that helps people with mental health issues, although I think it can help in sorting out warpy thinking, I was told in the e-mail that the CBT course they run really only helps people who mainly suffer from anxiety. So here was me doing the Australian e-couch course and MoodGYM and my anxiety levels have recently abated somewhat, although I do think I'm deeply depressed, and need counselling, the e-mail from FRIEND gave me a spreadsheet which lists local counselling orgs, so I did manage to ring one simply because they were free and left my name and number for them to ring me back.I was also slightly more happy, that the agency I used to work for has finally coughed up the money they owe me, after two weeks of hassle which under my fragile state I really didn't need, the cheque in the mail was a welcomed sight.I'm thinking about phoning another agency to be put on their availability list, I think I will do that today, and inform my doctor on Friday that I would like to be signed back to work, I don't really want to wait until July before I can distract my mind, earn some cash, and perhaps make some new friends.