Another bad dream
Woke up crying again. H woke up and asked what I needed for him to do. I told H I needed some questions answered. I have had these questions since I found out and was scared to know the answers. But the answers were not as bad as my head had lead on. It was bad and good how brutally honest he was being. Even telling me that talking about it was hard for him because of the amount of shame he had and how sick it made him feel to know he allowed himself to do what he did and with such an ugly(inside) person. I did not want to know about the actual action but what and how it lead up to the action and what happened after. It felt good to ask the questions that had been BURNING in my head. After I felt strangely lighter; still hurt and angry but lighter. Part of me, though, still wants to email her and ask her, her side. Don't know if that will accomplish anything but the feeling to do so is there. Right now feeling a little numb. Trying to process it all. Still feel the need to punch OW in the face. :)
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I also have bad dreams matter of fact i had one last night I woke up in a sweat and was shaking so hard i could barely hold a glass of water. I think thats part of the reason im having so much trouble sleeping that and i cant get my mind of the OM. I hope things get better for you.
Yeah it\'s no fun. Scared to sleep. Don\'t want to start my day off like that. Messed up thing is. I woke up the night they slept together and called to make sure he was ok. He was hunting with a friend and hadn\'t come home. Friend said yeah H got a flat so he is sleeping here. Come to find out he was in the middle of the cheating. So now I instantly wake up at 5am every morning. I did the same thing the night I found out about the cheat. Woke up with him not in bed. Found him asleep on couch been facebooking and changed his password. So I changed again and found out about the cheat. And that too was at 5am. They had been talking since 1am and just stopped at 4:48am. Which he then passed out in the living room. I hope that one day I will again be able to sleep past 5am. :(
I am going to try melatonin. I hear it helps to have restful sleep. I hope your sleep gets better!!
As you can tell I am still in the \"majorly need to vent\" stage! lol!
The night before last i demanded my wifes FB and phone passwords, she wasnt happy about giving them to me but she did. Not reall sure if I should check up on them but just knowing the passwords gave me alittle peace. Shes been very good ad hiding the affair, hell its been going on for 2 years so even if he did message her im sure she would delete it as soon as it was read. And as far as sleep goes i cant seem to fall asleep before 5 am it takes me being completely exausted before i can get any sleep at all and then its only 3 or 4 hours, and im right there with ya in the need to vent stage lol.