Another Bad Day

I was doing so well the past few days. I was able to manage my grief and function through the day and then I woke up this morning and it hit me like a ton of bricks! I'm just so over come with Grief and loss that today It took all the energy I had to drop off Jonny to playgroup so I could come back home and be miserable in peace. It just hurts so much. How do people go years with this kind of pain? Its too much. I really don't want to keep on going, pretending to the world that I'm okay. If it wasn't for my son Jon I would have already given up. I'm so Angry! Angry at God, Angry at the little punk that stole my baby from me because he was drinking and driving, Angry at our so called Justice system for not doing more to stop these idiots! I'm so hurt, Hurt because the child I loved is gone, cause I will never hold him in my arms again, because I didn't have the power to save him. I just want to scream!!! How am I supposed to hold on to a God that could allow so much pain and suffering to the innocent people of this world...How am I supposed to worship and glorify my god in this deepest part of my despair...when he could have prevented this outcome if he wanted too?