Annoyance

I don't understand this. I was doing better today and in a good mood sort of at least not as awful as it has been. And I desperately needed a nap and was awakened by a very much needed phone call. And yet ever since I have awakened I am struck with mental exhaustion and a lack of desire to do anything. I'm not as actively suicidal as I have been the last few days nor am I wanting to cut as much and I also still feel like that's my only Resort. Such an annoyance because I'm not really feeling the feelings that lead up to it. It's kind of like when I used to cut daily simply because I had my father's voice in my head saying I had to. I don't know. Just kind of venting