Annoyance
Annoyed.
It's easy to feel annoyed. Especially when people don't do what we want them to do or things don't work out the way we want them to work.
My trigger for annoyance is directly related to my level of fatigue. I feel the headache and the tightening of my body and spirit when annoyance creeps in. I take a deep breath. I release my tension. I take another deep breath. I release my expectations. I take another deep breath and I think of all the things that are good and right and going well. I try to shift my thoughts.
I try to see another vision than the one that is crowding my viewpoint. I can tap away my headache for a few minutes by focusing on relaxation and telling my mind and body to let go - to surrender and stop resisting.
A little bit later I feel the pain in my head. I redirect my thoughts again. They want to go down the familiar path that is well lit from all the years of heavy traffic. The neural pathways that are so well worn. When my thoughts would take the same route of discouragment and self-recrimination.
If I just stay silent I don't have to deal with it. I don't have to have the same conversation that sounds the same. I don't have to try to explain. I don't have to find words that don't do my feelings justice.
Staying silent can build up in our bodies like plaque. I think a lot of my blame, shame, guilt, unforgiveness sits in my lower back. I think some of my resentment, annoyance, and silent irritability swarms in my aching head.
I try to release it. "I am peace", I tell myself. Stop resisting. It's okay to express my unique voice, I try to remind myself. But, I'm tired and I want to be alone. I don't want to have to find the skills to communicate.
Where's the progress? Where's the change?
Anything is possible. Miracles are happening all around me.
When the fatigue creeps in I feel annoyed. Annoyed with my lack of progress. Annoyed with the sound of other people's voices. Annoyed with my own lack of enthusiasm for the journey. Just annoyed.
Annoyed that this entry isn't what I want it to be. Annoyed that there is too much noise and I have to stop instead of being able to work and make this better.
Let go. Surrender. It will pass. Unclench my jaw. Relax my brow. Take another deep breath. PUT ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER.
carry on.
It's easy to feel annoyed. Especially when people don't do what we want them to do or things don't work out the way we want them to work.
My trigger for annoyance is directly related to my level of fatigue. I feel the headache and the tightening of my body and spirit when annoyance creeps in. I take a deep breath. I release my tension. I take another deep breath. I release my expectations. I take another deep breath and I think of all the things that are good and right and going well. I try to shift my thoughts.
I try to see another vision than the one that is crowding my viewpoint. I can tap away my headache for a few minutes by focusing on relaxation and telling my mind and body to let go - to surrender and stop resisting.
A little bit later I feel the pain in my head. I redirect my thoughts again. They want to go down the familiar path that is well lit from all the years of heavy traffic. The neural pathways that are so well worn. When my thoughts would take the same route of discouragment and self-recrimination.
If I just stay silent I don't have to deal with it. I don't have to have the same conversation that sounds the same. I don't have to try to explain. I don't have to find words that don't do my feelings justice.
Staying silent can build up in our bodies like plaque. I think a lot of my blame, shame, guilt, unforgiveness sits in my lower back. I think some of my resentment, annoyance, and silent irritability swarms in my aching head.
I try to release it. "I am peace", I tell myself. Stop resisting. It's okay to express my unique voice, I try to remind myself. But, I'm tired and I want to be alone. I don't want to have to find the skills to communicate.
Where's the progress? Where's the change?
Anything is possible. Miracles are happening all around me.
When the fatigue creeps in I feel annoyed. Annoyed with my lack of progress. Annoyed with the sound of other people's voices. Annoyed with my own lack of enthusiasm for the journey. Just annoyed.
Annoyed that this entry isn't what I want it to be. Annoyed that there is too much noise and I have to stop instead of being able to work and make this better.
Let go. Surrender. It will pass. Unclench my jaw. Relax my brow. Take another deep breath. PUT ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER.
carry on.
Replies
I see your squirrels...
Hugs and Mojo
Weebs
Oh my dear friend...you are so wrong!
YOU HAVE MADE TREMENDOUS PROGRESS! I see it and I bet others see it too!!!!
just by attempting to shift and change IS progress! And you are right about the years of heavy traffic making it difficult! I think those are \"mental potholes\" in that road! LOL
(Hey here is an idea: we have a pot hole down the street that the city put a huge orange cone in to warn people to go around it! Maybe we need some orange cones in our mental potholes! we can be coneheads! LOL)
KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK!
I fight those scourges of irritability and annoyance too. I think they\'re wired in, they come with the territory of our dysfunction. But you are right, we don\'t have to keep treading the same pathways...we can meditate, we can keep a journal, we can share our struggles with friends, we can change what we can change.
I was taught from childhood that everything that goes wrong is My Fault. Eventually I woke up and realized that this is a clever way to control someone...teach them to blame themselves for what you do to them. The habits of self-recrimination are still there, but at least now I am learning to disassemble their mechanisms and teach myself that I have worth. Sick or not sick, we are worth something.