Anniversary today, feeling confused
I truly believe that love is shown in actions and in your behavior, not just through your words. Since our argument (last journal entry) he has made some efforts in improving some things. For ex: read Bible & prayed w/ me a few times before bed, has also tried to be affectionate a few times, and went to the beach with me this past weekend. It has made me feel like there is hope and we may become close again. One of the things he said he wanted to do and hasn't done is pray with me in the mornings, just a little prayer. He hasn't gotten around to it or will come up with an excuse for why he "can't do it". I told him we should be praying for God to protect our marriage, strengthen us, and help us grow.
Last night I asked him what we should do to celebrate, eat out, go somewhere? We started browsing restaurants in the area. Then he started rushing me, and threw out some random places, even some hole in the walls. He said,"It doesn't have to be a fancy place. Just pick a place." Like we should just get it over with or something, I was offended. So I started picking a few places out and asking what he thought of them and then he said, "So you actually want to pick a place? That kind of ruins the adventure doesn't it?" He would rather we drive around till he sees a place he likes THEN pick it. Do you see what he just did? Do you see why I'm confused?
This morning... day of the ANNIVERSARY. He acted like nothing was going on. So finally I said to him, "what's today?" he was like Oh yeah Happy Anniversary! I love you! I asked him if he had a card just out of curiosity. He was like, "Why? Do YOU have a card for me?" I said no I stopped getting you cards because you normally don't get me cards for any occasion. He was like, "Oh." Btw, we had a huge argument a couple yrs ago (I think that's when it was) he argued that we shouldn't get each other things for Valentine's Day or Anniversaries. We should just celebrate by going out and doing something. That's another reason why I stopped getting cards.
So a half an hr later I'm in the kitchen and he says to me that he actually got me something. But since I didn't get a card for him he thinks he should wait till next year to give it to me. Then he left for work. I'm really confused... I can't figure out if he's playing a joke on me or if he's being serious. Either way it's mean and I don't feel loved right now. I don't feel special. Also another reason why I hesitated to get a card or ANYTHING for this anniversary. There's been too many mixed vibes from him and too many mind games lately. I don't know what or how to feel at the moment. Am I whining or does this make sense? Should I just back off and not suggest anything anymore?
Last night I asked him what we should do to celebrate, eat out, go somewhere? We started browsing restaurants in the area. Then he started rushing me, and threw out some random places, even some hole in the walls. He said,"It doesn't have to be a fancy place. Just pick a place." Like we should just get it over with or something, I was offended. So I started picking a few places out and asking what he thought of them and then he said, "So you actually want to pick a place? That kind of ruins the adventure doesn't it?" He would rather we drive around till he sees a place he likes THEN pick it. Do you see what he just did? Do you see why I'm confused?
This morning... day of the ANNIVERSARY. He acted like nothing was going on. So finally I said to him, "what's today?" he was like Oh yeah Happy Anniversary! I love you! I asked him if he had a card just out of curiosity. He was like, "Why? Do YOU have a card for me?" I said no I stopped getting you cards because you normally don't get me cards for any occasion. He was like, "Oh." Btw, we had a huge argument a couple yrs ago (I think that's when it was) he argued that we shouldn't get each other things for Valentine's Day or Anniversaries. We should just celebrate by going out and doing something. That's another reason why I stopped getting cards.
So a half an hr later I'm in the kitchen and he says to me that he actually got me something. But since I didn't get a card for him he thinks he should wait till next year to give it to me. Then he left for work. I'm really confused... I can't figure out if he's playing a joke on me or if he's being serious. Either way it's mean and I don't feel loved right now. I don't feel special. Also another reason why I hesitated to get a card or ANYTHING for this anniversary. There's been too many mixed vibes from him and too many mind games lately. I don't know what or how to feel at the moment. Am I whining or does this make sense? Should I just back off and not suggest anything anymore?
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PS> Went to see my PCP about the burning in my feet and sometimes in my hands. She said it\'s peripheral neuropathy. Said I either need to increase the gabapentin or topamax. I see neurology Thursday.
That is confusing. If it was my husband I would ask him if he is mad at me for something. If he is not usually passive aggressive like this then something must be up. Or maybe he is going through something himself, and is taking it out on you. The most important thing is to keep your cool, stay calm and patient until things unfold. I hope you can find some comfort in your friends and your faith. Hang in there. Remember you are worthy of receiving love. Hugs, Sadie
Thanks for your support, Sadie!
Update: We ended up picking Buzz\'s seafood and steak house, right by the beach. It was a little cramped and crowded but we actually had a good time. He made me a CD with 80\'s rock on it! LOL. Then made a side comment about how he took notice that I didn\'t get him anything. I reminded him of his great big argument last year or 2 yrs ago that we should not get each other things and just go out and do something. He was like, \"Oh... well I didn\'t mean it like that. I was trying to say that it should not be an obligation and we shouldn\'t expect one each time. But if one feels like getting one, there\'s no problem.\" Well I certainly didn\'t FEEL like getting one this year! Anyway, he got me a tiny little card and wrote a little cute message in it about how I\'m much more than someone to live with, hang out with, etc, I\'m his wife. lol. Yeah I was yelling at him at the beach about that during that argument we had last week. lol. But like I said, ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. So he can write this cute message and all, but I\'ll be waiting to see him TREAT me more like a wife and less like a room mate. So far I\'m happy about how the anniversary turned out in the end. We\'ll see how it goes from here.
Sorry to hear about the tiff between you and your husband. I am here if you need someone to talk to.
THE LORD BLESS RICHLY TODAY AND FOREVER , HAPPY ANNIVERSAY,LOVE ***